Saturday, January 30, 2010

I believe in miracles

Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 18 :3

In this verse , Jesus is talking about salvation, about being a spiritual newborn.  I think he is referring to having the faith of a child.  Not too long after we found out about Eli's condition, one of my students in 6th period brought me a card she had made for me.  I had just finished taking roll and she walked up and laid the card on my desk.  I still have the card and probably always will.  The card had a hand written message one both sides.  But what stood out most to me on that card was, on the righthand side in huge bold letters, punctuated  with an exclamation point, it read, I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!  I really try hard not to cry in front of my classes.  In this instance I couldn't hold the tears back.  God used that child to teach me a lesson in faith.  Quite often one of my students will ask if Eli is all better now and follow up with "I have been praying that he gets better."  These statements and cards are so profound to me.  It makes me pray for a miracle that much harder.  The faith of a child is amazing, so amazing that God speaks about it in the bible.

  I'm  not sure exactly what miracle God has in mind for Eli, but I know He has a plan.  I had coffee with a dear friend today and we talked about how Eli will be used of God no matter what.  I told her that I believe as sure as I am here that God gave us Eli for a purpose.  He does not make mistakes.  Even before Jamie and I thought about having another baby, God began preparing us for this journey.  I began reading a blog over a year and half ago about a baby in the same situation as Eli.  (Check out Bring the Rain in my links section.) There are many other things that He has used to prepare both Jamie and me for the journey of a lifetime.  This is the most difficult thing that either of us have ever faced, but God has been with us every step of the way.  I was led to a website called String of Pearls (also a link) where I was able to contact a dear woman named Laura.  We have emailed back and forth several times and God has used her words, experience, and testimony to provide strength.  My dear friend Amy that I got to talk to today...God used her.  All of the messages I have received...God has used them.  It seems that God uses people when He knows we need it most.

As you continue to follow our journey, I ask that you please pray for a miracle.  Also, I ask that you pray for Jamie right now.  He has started his busy season at work and the hours alone wear him down.  Please pray that God would provide extra strength for him during the next couple of months.  We go to the Dr. Tuesday of this week.  Please pray that the visit goes smoothly and that we get good news.  I will update after that visit.

Love, Jennifer

p.s.  If  you are not familiar with Eli's story, go to The Beginning page and it will bring you up to date.  Also, if you would like to leave a comment, I love to hear from you!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Why this journey of perfect love?

I love the way children think us adults know everything.  Jay my 8 year old is so funny.  He is so full of questions and expects any adult to know the answer.  He has commented on more than one occassion that since I am grown and a teacher I must know the answer.  Cooper and Lucie Rose are the same.  They so innocently just expect Mama and Daddy to have the answers.  When we found out about Eli, Jay was so heartbroken.  He really has had trouble sleeping some, he  just worries.  He constantly prays for God to please heal Eli.  His first question to his daddy and me both was, "well, why can't they just do surgery and fix it?"  All of the children just knew that some grown up somewhere had the answer to baby Eli's problem.  Jamie and I had to explain to them that God was the only one that had the answers.  Now that knowledge is just second nature to them.  They just ask God to fix him now.  So do I!  I want him fixed so very badly that it hurts.  When he is born I want him to be whole.  I want him to cry, to breath, to eat, to need his mommy and daddy.  I pray that he is healed.  

Even as adults we expect someone to know the all of the answers.  When we first found out about Eli, we expected the doctors to know the answers.  We searched the internet for answers.  There just are no earthly answers.  God is the only one with ALL the answers and he does not always provide immediate feedback.  At least not when we think we need to know.  His feedback it timely and always comes when he is ready to make his will known.  His timing is perfect, just like his love.  I think that is why I feel like this is a journey of perfect love.  I know that I love Eli as much I a love my other babies.  I would give up everything for any of them even my life.  If I love them that much, I can not imagine how much He loves us.