So it happened. I knew it would at some point but I was not prepared for it. My heart was not ready to read what my eyes were seeing. A comment was left on my blog that was a dagger to my soul. I erased it from my blog but have been unable to erase it from my mind. Jamie's advise was to forget about it and not even dignify it with a response. He thinks...well we think that it was just someone trying to stir up trouble. It still hurt. I honestly was not sure how to take the comment. It went something like this...
Congratulations on your new baby girl. I hope she does not feel like a replacement for Eli.
So does that mean that anonymous hopes she does not feel like a replacement to Jamie and I...
If that is the case, then I can put anonymous' worries at ease. There will NEVER, EVER be a replacement for Eli. He is our fourth child. Amelia is our fifth. Each of my five children have their own place in our family and in my heart. They are all irreplaceable. Unless you have been where we are, you can not possibly understand that. They are children not a material thing that can be replaced.
But my mind also goes here...
What if anonymous meant that he/she hoped Amelia did not grow up feeling like we had her to replace her brother. Jamie or I either one would never make her feel that way...but what if she did anyway? It is my sincerest and deepest hope that she would never feel that way. She is NOT. Amelia is a gift...a blessing...a very special baby girl that brings us sunshine after a storm, but my other children are just as much a gift and blessing. They also have brought us much sunshine even in the midst of our storm.
The cloak of anonymity is such a wonderful thing isn't it? I mean...I'll never know where this comment came from...if this person regularly reads my musings or was a one time visitor. It is almost like being unable to face you accuser. I'd love to face him or her. So, I guess this cloak is wonderful to the other guy but daunting to me. I want my blog to be a place that people can come and see that God's grace and mercy abound...to see that we are getting through this day by day...to see that although we will never get over losing Eli, we are walking with God to move forward...to see that not everyday is as easy as the last but not as dark as the first...to see that storms have rainbows...to see that the sun will shine again. I could go on and on. I want people to be able to comment as they wish, so I will not limit access to my blog. I do however wish that if someone wants to leave me a comment that pierces like a dagger they lose the cloak of anonymity and be straight forward with me. Let me know who you are and why you have these concerns. I'll answer them. I'll be straight forward with you.
No more cloak and dagger please!!!