Saturday, November 12, 2011


Sometimes is just seems that when I pray, my prayers are bouncing off of a brick wall.  I feel like I beg God for something and beg some more and when I feel like I can not beg anymore, I find it in me to beg a little more.  Then, that prayer does not seem to be heard.  This is where I have been the last two days. 

As I sit here and talk to God, I ask him, "Why haven't you heard my prayers?"  Why are you not answering me, God? It is like when we prayed for Eli to be healed.  I begged God for healing.  I pleaded with him...

He answered me then with the sure knowledge that my prayers were not part of  His plan.  I did not want to hear it though.  That meant I would have to give up my son.  How could God ask that of me?  How could I do that?  But that was taken out of my hands and now...well you know the now...

Tonight, as I talk to God this verse keeps coming to mind.
1 Kings 19:11-13
11And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:
12And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
13And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

Actually not this entire passage until I went and looked it up.  Just the small still voice part.  The small still voice is whispering to me that He has a plan and now is just not the time for my request.  That is not what I want to hear.  I guess my humanness and impatience is showing here.  I want God to say is the time and your prayers are being answered just as you asked for them.  I know that is selfish...I know it is.  But God, I do not have the privilege of seeing the BIG picture and I do not know Your plans.  Only You have that knowledge.  In this instance, it hurts to have to sit back and wait.  I do not even bear the brunt of the hurt here...others do and I just hurt for them.  Hurt badly for them. 
I need peace...peace that only can come from God...
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid
I'm not the only one that needs this peace.  Please pray that God would just shower this down! 

Much love,


  1. I'm a couple of days late but will still pray. Just reading this made my heart ache with yours, will pray for that peace to shower down on everyone involved!!