Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Trichotomy of Time

Where have two years gone? As I look back into the past, I remember that two years ago tonight, I was spending my last night with my baby boy tucked safely away in my belly. I had a picture in my mind then of how his birth and brief life would be.  I had a picture of how our time would be spent loving on him.  For twelve weeks we tried our best to figure out how we would meet Eli and hand him back into the Lords arms. That is something no parent should ever have to contemplate, but it was what we were left doing. We spent the better part of twelve weeks with a starving hunger to get to know Eli. I had a picture in my mind of what he looked like, what color his eyes were, what his tiny little cry would sound like. I would day dream about how beautiful and perfect he was going to be. We had no idea what to expect but I had my pictures...my dreams.

Today, I wonder what it would be like to have a two year old in the mix.  I have a picture in my mind of what he would look like as a toddler...dark curly hair, dimpled face, his daddy's eyes...I have a picture in my mind of what he would be getting in to. A picture of him walking or running around...a picture of him throwing his arms around his mama or daddy in a bear hug...a picture of him playing with his brothers and sisters...a picture of him terrorizing his brothers and sisters...a picture of him sitting around the table with his family for dinner...a picture of his adorable first words...a picture is worth a thousand words. A picture in my mind...

I have a picture in my mind of a dark curly haired, dimpled face little boy running around on streets of gold...sitting at the feet of Jesus...I often wonder what he is doing. I can not even fathom how amazing Heaven is and just how perfect his life is now. My mind can only conjure pictures of earthy beauty and I know that can not even compare to the beauty my baby boy beholds daily.  I'm pretty sure he is not going to be having a party in Heaven tomorrow to celebrate his second birthday because time is not measured by days, weeks, months, or years there.  Perhaps every moment is a celebration in heaven. I just do not know...but I do have a picture in my mind.  It gives me comfort and peace to dream.

I have a picture in my mind of a day when I will meet my Lord and Savior...of a day that I fall at His feet and praise Him in person.  I have a picture in my mind of the day that I will get to hold Eli again...of the day that I kiss his sweet face again. Maybe he will show me the streets of gold that day. Maybe he will take my hand and say, "Come on Mama.  Let's go meet Jesus."  Until that day, I'll hold on to the pictures in my mind.

I am so thankful that I serve a God who will one day redeem my past, holds my present, and promises my future.

Happy Second Birthday, my sweet Eli.  Mama misses you more than words.  I love you baby boy!

Much love,  


  1. Love you soo much, Jen.

  2. Hugs & Love sweet friend. Thank Heaven for those pictures!!!

  3. Amen! Praising God and loving and missing Eli with you. His precious life has made such a difference in our family's life. What a joy it will be to praise Jesus in heaven side by side with him. Love you all!

  4. Thinking of you and love you.Thanks for sharing

  5. I sat at my desk and boo hooed while reading this. Thank goodness we will see our loved ones again. Praying for you and your sweet family during this time.

  6. Jennifer,

    Thinking of you all today. It does not seem like it has been two years.
    Love you all.

  7. Thinking of you and Eli today. Praying for your continued peace. Your strength amazes me.
    Love you,
    Lisa (Murphy) Hale

  8. Hi Jenn and Eli.....I have your Birthday marked on my calender and have been waiting to sing happy Birthday to him...."Happy Birthday, Big Boy" :) I miss you and know you and Logan would and will oneday be the best of buddies.Jenn, Just wanted to let you and Jamie know that I am thinking and pray for ya'll all the time. Love you both, Staci

  9. I love this post and the beautiful picture you paint with your words..I hope that one day Aubree takes my hand too..:) Much love to you..

  10. This is beautiful, you made cry! Happy birthday to your sweet baby boy!