Poor Lucie Rose, I think her first word was no. Why? Well, because she heard no-no so much, I think she thought that was her name. Conversations with her were something like this for a while. Lucie Rose, no-no, don't touch that. No-no, don't run in the house...No-no, don't put that in your mouth...No-no, don't go in there...No-no, don't mess with the plug...No-no, don't climb on that...No-no, don't open that...Well you get the picture. It is no wonder children learn to tell us no so quickly. It is a learned behavior. It is a learned behavior that they very quickly have to unlearn. Growing up can be so difficult sometimes.
Taboo is an action or behavior that is socially unacceptable. No-no is a synonym for taboo.
In years past, pregnancy and infant loss were considered a taboo subject. You know, even today it is still taboo in many ways. Here is a fact that is hard to fathom. Not so long ago, when women would give birth to a still baby or an infant that only lived a brief while, they were advised by their doctor to go home and forget about it. Move on with your life. I wonder if those same doctors offered any advise on how to go about this, because I can promise you, that is not at all likely to happen. As hard as that is for me to wrap my head around, I have heard stories (yes, stories plural) of women who never even got to see or hold their babies once they gave birth to them. It was thought by most that if these mothers did not see their babies, it would be easier for them to "get over the loss". I can not even begin to imagine the damage that one act would do to a mother who NEEDS to grieve her baby. There are certainly behaviors in our society that have to be unlearned. Society has made steps toward improvement, but there is more work that needs to be done. Pregnancy and infant loss is something that people in everyday life just do not think about. Really, who wants to think about it? It combines death and children. For most, those subjects just do not go together.
In 1988, then president, Ronald Reagan realized the need for awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. He proclaimed October 15, as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. What a wonderful step forward this was for such a taboo topic.
Did you know that approximately 1in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Twenty-five percent of ALL pregnancies end in some type of loss. It seems that women are just expected to deal with this. Miscarriage is one of those losses that is just not talked about. Do you know that I actually had a doctor tell me once (while I was suffering a miscarriage) that I just needed to get this one ( the pregnancy) out of my system and start fertility medication. By the way, this conversation took place on the phone only because I insisted on talking to him. This was my second miscarriage and I had yet to see or talk to the doctor, only his nurse. This is NOT my current doctor. I actually found Doctor K. the day after that phone conversation. As long as I live I will never forget that conversation. I do not think that I could even look that man in the face today and it has almost been eleven years ago. I know that miscarriage is common, but that does not make it any less of a loss to the women who are in the midst of the grief caused by it.
Did you know that there is an entire community of us baby loss mamas out here? I had no idea until Eli. There is an incredible, wonderful group of women, who just like me, have lost one or some even more children and are blogging about it. These women are courageous and do such amazing things to honor our babies. They have been a source of strength for me these past few months. These women have all taken steps to make this type of loss a less taboo subject. Through blogging, many of us hope to accomplish raising awareness as well as helping someone else who might be going through this storm.
This Friday is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. If you are one of those mothers or fathers who will be lighting a candle, or sending up a balloon, or just remembering your sweet little baby, leave a comment with your little one's name, date of birth, and date of passing. This will allow me and anyone else who is reading to pray for you on Friday.
I'll get it started.
Jamie and Jennifer Hill
miscarriage - 4/99, 11/99, 6/2000
Elijah Griffin Hill - born February 21, 2010 and lived for two short hours