A collision course...or not.

I heard a song for the first time today on Melissa's blog that really spoke to me. The name of the song is Where Joy and Sorrow Meet. When I heard the song, I stopped and listened to it then went on about my business. Then this afternoon I just could not get that one phrase "where joy and sorrow meet" out of my head. I went to Playlist and listened to the song again and then went to Youtube and listened to it with the lyrics once more.

It got me thinking...Have I ever been to the place where joy and sorrow meet? Here is where my thoughts took me.

There have been many milestone moments in my 36 and 1/2 years. The day my brother drowned...lots and lots of sorrow there. There was joy in that he is in a place of perfect peace and rest with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I do not know if in those days and weeks that followed his death that I was able to find the joy. I was only fourteen when he went home and not really sure I could grasp that joy and sorrow could meet. I knew the grief of a sister then...one that watched her parents in hopes that they would not fall and be unable to get up. I learned a lot about grieving with God during that period of my life. God was preparing me even then for the death of my child.

The day I graduated from high school...joyful for sure. I am not sure there was much sorrow on my part to be found... but a milestone nonetheless.

The day I got married...joyful beyond belief, but if I am truthful...There was sorrow there. The sorrow of leaving home...leaving my sister, who had been my sidekick for many years... the sorrow of missing my younger brother grow up from a birds eye view. Looking back, I would say that was a day where joy and sorrow met. The joy just seemed to overwhelm the sorrow and still does.

The day I found out that Jamie and I had conceived our first child only to learn that the pregnancy was not viable. Joy and sorrow collided that day. Sorrow seamed to overwhelm this time.

The second and third times that Jamie and I found out that we had conceived a precious child, to once again learn that these pregnancies were not viable either. Yet again there was a collision of joy and sorrow, where sorrow overshadowed the joy.

Then, there was the day that I discovered I was pregnant with Jay. Joy, joy, and more joy. That is until I began showing signs once again of miscarriage. I went to the doctor for and ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. Once again there was sorrow. I was scheduled for a follow up ultrasound and D&C the following week. There was unbelievable joy when we discovered that there was indeed life growing in my womb. There was a heartbeat... Then he was born...Joy beyond any sorrow imaginable.

The day I discovered my little Cooper was on the way...great joy. No sorrow to be found. Then Cooper was born. I may have thought twice about having an infant and 18 month old but I had no sorrow, only joy!

The same with finding out Lucie Rose was on the way and also the day she was born. Tremendous joyfulness filled my heart and house.

At this point in my life I remember thinking that I was blessed beyond all belief. Jamie and I even talked about the way God had blessed our lives. I thanked God everyday for ALL of His blessings in my life. Then we got pregnant with my sweet Eli. Wow, did I ever thank God for His blessings when we found out our family would grow by one more. We began making plans that included me being able to stay home with my children and guess what?  God was working it all out. There was no sorrow, only joy...until November 30. We found out news that would bring great sorrow to our family. Sorrow like I had NEVER experienced before. Sorrow like I hope I NEVER experience again! How could I possibly find a place in this storm where joy and sorrow would meet? Boy did I ever though. There is no greater blessing than feeling this baby kick and move and squirm around that would not live. Oh the blessings we found in bi-weekly ultrasounds and watching our baby grow. Then, then came Eli's birthday. I had no idea the joy and sorrow that I would experience this day until it was upon us. There is no greater joy than holding a baby and kissing him when he was not supposed to even be alive. There is NO greater sorrow than holding a baby as he draws his last breath. For me this is when joy and sorrow met. It is extremely difficult to feel both of these emotions at the same time because they are so different. It is completely overwhelming. Which is greater? The joy or the sorrow. I honestly can not answer that question.

I do know this, there is only one place that joy and sorrow can meet and that is at the throne of Jesus Christ. If I could not have gone to His throne for grace and mercy, if He had not been in my life to carry me, I would be permanently broken. I would have no hope. There would be no joy. Because of Him, I have joy...joy that intermingles with sorrow. I am able to see the great blessing of Eli...God's will...His plan for our lives.

I also know this, there WILL be a day where Joy and sorrow meet and Joy will forever overcome the sorrow in this life. Our tears will be wiped away forever and redemption will take place.

Make sure to pause the playlist at the bottom of the screen before listening to this song.



Is there a time in you life where joy and sorrow have met?