This week marks a year in the beginning of one of the darkest periods of my life. Tuesday was one year ago that we found out our son had Potter's Syndrome. This past week has been tough for us. Thursday marked a year from the date a doctor looked at us and said, "There is still time to terminate this pregnancy." I am so thankful that was never an option for Jamie and I. I am so thankful for the thirty-two weeks we were given with Eli. Yes, it was difficult carrying a baby that I knew was going to die, but in many ways it was the most special thing I have ever done. You know, Jamie and I never once thought about releasing Eli from the womb before God was ready for him to be. God had placed him there and that was good enough for us. I think back to that conversation with the specialist that suggested we terminate. That was an immediate and automatic response for him after he performed our ultrasound. He told us that our son had a less than 10% chance of surviving outside of my womb. He looked at those odds and said, "There is a 90% chance that this baby will die anyway so why carry him?" I looked at those odds and said, "God can and will if He chooses. How could I deny Him the chance to show us a miracle?" Even if that doctor had told us that Eli had a zero percent chance of surviving, we would have chosen to carry him. We were able to make memories with Eli that are priceless. We were able to enjoy the little things that I took for granted in other pregnancies. Honestly, I think had we chosen to terminate, our grief would be much greater than it is. I do not know if we would ever have had the peace that we do now. The memories of those days after Eli was diagnosed is still so fresh. For those of you have been following Eli's story, you know how special storms are to us and well...Tuesday, it stormed! It was so fitting.
Missing my boy so much tonight...
Much love,
Praying for you as you navigate through all these powerful emotions. May God surround you now with peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lord for the storms,
ReplyDeletefor the blessings amidst the sorrows, and for each tear you wipe away.
Thank you Lord for blessing this family with your child Eli and most of all for blessing them with your son Jesus.
Amen
Praising God with you! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI had not had a chance to get online and catch up on your posts. I hope your weekend went well and you had peace through that day!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! I still remember our D-Day and how devastating it was. Terminating never crossed my mind either. It simply was not an option and I know 100% it was the right choice. I have no regrets in carrying my Carleigh. It was such a blessed and sacred time with her. So many drs are quick to suggest termination that I don't' think a lot of parents realize that they can carry to term.
ReplyDeleteWell said Jennifer. I remember the day we found out about our Aidan. I remember it like it happened yesterday. Like you, we chose to carry Aidan for as long as God allowed us to. I am so very thankful for the 32 weeks he was with us. We have wonderful memories of Aidan. Special places we took him, things we talked to him about, songs we sang to him. I wouldn't trade one second of my time with Aidan. And yes, like you, it hurts so very much, but it is a pain I am more than willing to carry. I'd do it all over again. One day, I hope doctors realize just how precious life really is. We already know don't we :)
ReplyDelete-Susan