Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Sometimes it is a song...

Sometimes it is a smell...

Sometimes it is a place...

Sometimes it is just random...

It takes me right back to where I was 18 months ago.  I get a lump in my throat, a tightening in my chest, and I feel like I did then.

This morning it was the song on my blog and it just snowballed from there.  I usually have the volume turned off or down really low on my computer but today it was turned up.  When the song came on, I wanted to turn it off because I knew what would happen, but I was drawn in like a moth to a flame.  Then, while getting dressed this morning I put on my deodorant, of all things, and that scent is the one I used when he was born.  This is the first time that I have bought that particular scent since.  That was all it took and I was in those moments again.  The tears came and I willed them away...they came again and I told myself I didn't have time right then for a flood of tears.  After all, I had just finished my make-up. I had somewhere to be... the tears subsided...the lump didn't go away. 

Sometimes it is just so intense...
Always he is on my mind and in my heart!

Much love, 


  1. Yep - know exactly what you mean. And it's often the strangest things that take us there. I too rarely listen to the music on my blog - because I know I will be in tears. But sometimes, I just need the tears. HUGS!!

  2. I know just what you mean, I'll never forget when I was in the room by myself right before my cerclage surgery with Eli and when I washed my hands the smell of the soap just knocked me right back. It was of course the same soap we had used every time we went into the NICU but for some reason I wasn't prepared. I lost it right there and being alone waiting for them to take me back just made it worse. Amazing how something as simple as a scent can do that.

  3. I found myself sobbing yesterday too over something that I can't even put my finger on..Many hugs..

  4. Definitely! All it takes is one little thing.