I know I come to my blog a lot and ask for prayer and I feel totally comfortable doing that. I feel like those who read my blog are some of the wonderful prayer warriors who prayed for my sweet Eli and my family...are still praying for my family. Those prayers have meant more to me that I could ever begin to express in words. They have sustained us through some of the darkest days of our lives. I feel like because we asked Him, God gave us a miracle with Eli. The miracle we saw unfold before our very eyes was not the exact one we asked for but that does not negate the fact that we experienced a true miracle...a great miracle. It is hard to know how to pray sometimes, so we have to just ask God to intercede for us. We have to ask Him to provide when we do not even know what provisions we need. He always knows...
Tonight, I ask you to please join me in praying for a precious baby boy named Tate. Tate is tucked safely in his mommy's tummy for the next couple of days. He should make his appearance sometime Tuesday. Tate is a very special little fella who has been diagnosed with Trisomy 18. You can visit his mom's blog here. Tate's mom, Cricket, has listed some specific prayer requests that might help you know better how to pray for them. Let's hit our knees for this family my friends. How great would it be to flood Heaven with prayer for sweet baby Tate and his family?
Much love,
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Cloak and Dagger
So it happened. I knew it would at some point but I was not prepared for it. My heart was not ready to read what my eyes were seeing. A comment was left on my blog that was a dagger to my soul. I erased it from my blog but have been unable to erase it from my mind. Jamie's advise was to forget about it and not even dignify it with a response. He thinks...well we think that it was just someone trying to stir up trouble. It still hurt. I honestly was not sure how to take the comment. It went something like this...
Congratulations on your new baby girl. I hope she does not feel like a replacement for Eli.
~Anonymous~
So does that mean that anonymous hopes she does not feel like a replacement to Jamie and I...
If that is the case, then I can put anonymous' worries at ease. There will NEVER, EVER be a replacement for Eli. He is our fourth child. Amelia is our fifth. Each of my five children have their own place in our family and in my heart. They are all irreplaceable. Unless you have been where we are, you can not possibly understand that. They are children not a material thing that can be replaced.
But my mind also goes here...
What if anonymous meant that he/she hoped Amelia did not grow up feeling like we had her to replace her brother. Jamie or I either one would never make her feel that way...but what if she did anyway? It is my sincerest and deepest hope that she would never feel that way. She is NOT. Amelia is a gift...a blessing...a very special baby girl that brings us sunshine after a storm, but my other children are just as much a gift and blessing. They also have brought us much sunshine even in the midst of our storm.
The cloak of anonymity is such a wonderful thing isn't it? I mean...I'll never know where this comment came from...if this person regularly reads my musings or was a one time visitor. It is almost like being unable to face you accuser. I'd love to face him or her. So, I guess this cloak is wonderful to the other guy but daunting to me. I want my blog to be a place that people can come and see that God's grace and mercy abound...to see that we are getting through this day by day...to see that although we will never get over losing Eli, we are walking with God to move forward...to see that not everyday is as easy as the last but not as dark as the first...to see that storms have rainbows...to see that the sun will shine again. I could go on and on. I want people to be able to comment as they wish, so I will not limit access to my blog. I do however wish that if someone wants to leave me a comment that pierces like a dagger they lose the cloak of anonymity and be straight forward with me. Let me know who you are and why you have these concerns. I'll answer them. I'll be straight forward with you.
No more cloak and dagger please!!!
Much love,
Congratulations on your new baby girl. I hope she does not feel like a replacement for Eli.
~Anonymous~
So does that mean that anonymous hopes she does not feel like a replacement to Jamie and I...
If that is the case, then I can put anonymous' worries at ease. There will NEVER, EVER be a replacement for Eli. He is our fourth child. Amelia is our fifth. Each of my five children have their own place in our family and in my heart. They are all irreplaceable. Unless you have been where we are, you can not possibly understand that. They are children not a material thing that can be replaced.
But my mind also goes here...
What if anonymous meant that he/she hoped Amelia did not grow up feeling like we had her to replace her brother. Jamie or I either one would never make her feel that way...but what if she did anyway? It is my sincerest and deepest hope that she would never feel that way. She is NOT. Amelia is a gift...a blessing...a very special baby girl that brings us sunshine after a storm, but my other children are just as much a gift and blessing. They also have brought us much sunshine even in the midst of our storm.
The cloak of anonymity is such a wonderful thing isn't it? I mean...I'll never know where this comment came from...if this person regularly reads my musings or was a one time visitor. It is almost like being unable to face you accuser. I'd love to face him or her. So, I guess this cloak is wonderful to the other guy but daunting to me. I want my blog to be a place that people can come and see that God's grace and mercy abound...to see that we are getting through this day by day...to see that although we will never get over losing Eli, we are walking with God to move forward...to see that not everyday is as easy as the last but not as dark as the first...to see that storms have rainbows...to see that the sun will shine again. I could go on and on. I want people to be able to comment as they wish, so I will not limit access to my blog. I do however wish that if someone wants to leave me a comment that pierces like a dagger they lose the cloak of anonymity and be straight forward with me. Let me know who you are and why you have these concerns. I'll answer them. I'll be straight forward with you.
No more cloak and dagger please!!!
Much love,
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Far, far away
I have had lots on my mind in the last few days. I went to a funeral Friday...
My granddaddy's brother, Uncle Clayton passed away last week. My granddaddy has been gone now for almost 18 years. He was an extraordinarily special person...the kindest most humble person you have ever known. His brother, Uncle Clayton was also that kind of person...just humble. His funeral service was sweet, if that makes any sense. He joined his sweet wife, Aunt Helen, in Heaven. He also joined several brothers and sisters. There are only two left here now, Uncle Parker and Aunt Gwendolyn.
As I sat in that service, I began watching those family members closest to Uncle Clayton, particularly Aunt Gwendolyn. Her face was not the face of one that was distraught, having no hope. It was a face of one who remembered. There were times looking at her that it was evident she was climbing a tree behind her big brother or watching as a beloved brother left for school while she was left with mama....maybe she was longing to follow along on that first date. She was far away, back in time Friday. There were tears...there was sadness. The tears and sadness were not for Uncle Clayton but for times long gone. The tears were not constant but present with fond memories. I have seen her attend three funerals of brothers and a sister in the last year. My heart hurts for her. Grief is lonesome, but I imagine for her it is even more so.
You know, I thought about the difference in Aunt Gwendolyn and myself. As I sat in a chapel a little over a year ago, I had no fond memories of days long ago. My tears and sadness were different. They were for shattered hopes and dreams of a son I'd only know briefly this side of Heaven. My tears were because I would never see Lucie Rose or Amelia chase him up a tree. I would never console a little sister as Eli left her behind as he grew up. Her tears were the tears of a sister burying her brother of 88 years. Mine were of a mother burying her son of 32 weeks, three days, and two hours. I sat in that chapel Friday and thought of these things. The tears, once again gathered and fell...tears for Aunt Gwendolyn, Uncle Clayton's children and grandchildren...selfish tears for me because I still miss my baby boy every second of every day. Going to a funeral takes my mind back there, back to Eli's service...
Uncle Clayton was buried with military honors. As we made our way from the chapel to his burial site, his body was placed in a horse drawn hearse. It was a site to behold with his flag draped coffin being carried by a glass encased carriage, driven by a man in a coat with tales and top hat. As the hearse made its way to the burial site, two men in full dress uniforms saluted Uncle Clayton's body. Gives me chills just remembering...
Once verses had been read and prayers said for the family, his body was saluted again while taps was played. It was a humbling experience. It made me pause for a second and think of all the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers...whom have given up a loved one for this great nation we live in. I thought of all the memories these loved ones were made to forfeit for our freedom. To think that these men and women made the choice to put themselves in death's path is the most humbling of all.
Friday's events stirred many thoughts and emotions. I just needed to write it out and share.
Much love,
My granddaddy's brother, Uncle Clayton passed away last week. My granddaddy has been gone now for almost 18 years. He was an extraordinarily special person...the kindest most humble person you have ever known. His brother, Uncle Clayton was also that kind of person...just humble. His funeral service was sweet, if that makes any sense. He joined his sweet wife, Aunt Helen, in Heaven. He also joined several brothers and sisters. There are only two left here now, Uncle Parker and Aunt Gwendolyn.
As I sat in that service, I began watching those family members closest to Uncle Clayton, particularly Aunt Gwendolyn. Her face was not the face of one that was distraught, having no hope. It was a face of one who remembered. There were times looking at her that it was evident she was climbing a tree behind her big brother or watching as a beloved brother left for school while she was left with mama....maybe she was longing to follow along on that first date. She was far away, back in time Friday. There were tears...there was sadness. The tears and sadness were not for Uncle Clayton but for times long gone. The tears were not constant but present with fond memories. I have seen her attend three funerals of brothers and a sister in the last year. My heart hurts for her. Grief is lonesome, but I imagine for her it is even more so.
You know, I thought about the difference in Aunt Gwendolyn and myself. As I sat in a chapel a little over a year ago, I had no fond memories of days long ago. My tears and sadness were different. They were for shattered hopes and dreams of a son I'd only know briefly this side of Heaven. My tears were because I would never see Lucie Rose or Amelia chase him up a tree. I would never console a little sister as Eli left her behind as he grew up. Her tears were the tears of a sister burying her brother of 88 years. Mine were of a mother burying her son of 32 weeks, three days, and two hours. I sat in that chapel Friday and thought of these things. The tears, once again gathered and fell...tears for Aunt Gwendolyn, Uncle Clayton's children and grandchildren...selfish tears for me because I still miss my baby boy every second of every day. Going to a funeral takes my mind back there, back to Eli's service...
Uncle Clayton was buried with military honors. As we made our way from the chapel to his burial site, his body was placed in a horse drawn hearse. It was a site to behold with his flag draped coffin being carried by a glass encased carriage, driven by a man in a coat with tales and top hat. As the hearse made its way to the burial site, two men in full dress uniforms saluted Uncle Clayton's body. Gives me chills just remembering...
Once verses had been read and prayers said for the family, his body was saluted again while taps was played. It was a humbling experience. It made me pause for a second and think of all the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers...whom have given up a loved one for this great nation we live in. I thought of all the memories these loved ones were made to forfeit for our freedom. To think that these men and women made the choice to put themselves in death's path is the most humbling of all.
Friday's events stirred many thoughts and emotions. I just needed to write it out and share.
Much love,
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Be All End All
Okay, so this is the proverbial Mother's Day post...there is not even a twist to make it any different. I just is what it is. What can I say?
Growing up there were three things I wanted to be:
1. A teacher
2. A wife
3. A mother
(not particularly in that order)
I wanted these things so badly that I begged God to give them to me. When I played as a child, I played one of three things. I played like I was the bride in a wedding, a mother with my baby dolls, or a teacher to all my dolls and animals. I even had a chalkboard in my classroom, I mean bedroom. Well, when I was fourteen, my sixteen year old brother was killed in a drowning accident. At that time in my life, I would even pray that if God was going to take me like he did my brother to please let me do those three things first. Not very rational, I know. I was fourteen after all.
Well, I became a wife first. I married the most wonderful man. God was good and He certainly blessed me in that area. Then that same year I started my first year of teaching. My first year, a year straight from the pits, turned into twelve years in a public school classroom and now one year in my homeschool classroom. I almost quit that first year but I didn't. I hung on and went to a different school the next year and fell in love with a childhood dream. If that first year teaching was not hard enough, Jamie and I decided to start trying to have a baby. I got pregnant the first month we started trying and soon after finding out had a miscarriage. That was in April, just one month before our one year anniversary. I got pregnant again a few months later and Thanksgiving day of that year I had another miscarriage. Then in June of the following year I had my third miscarriage. I was beginning to think that God just did not want me to hold a baby here on earth. Mother's days became very painful as well as baby dedication days at church. I remember the last baby dedication day I went to before having Jay. I bawled through the entire service. I wanted to be a mother...a mother of a baby here that is. It is so sad that the world does not recognize mothers whom have suffered miscarriage and have nothing tangible to hold on to.
In November 2000, I learned that Jay was on the way. I began having problems with that pregnancy but my little guy held on and was born in August of the following year. Then came Cooper, Lucie Rose, Eli and now Amelia. I am truly blessed.
I love being a mama. It is the most rewarding and humbling job I could possibly have. There is nothing better than hugging and kissing my sweetlings. I love teaching them in our little homeschool classroom. I love waking up and knowing that I get to spend my days with them. I am not saying that everyday is smooth sailing. I.IS.NOT!! Friday was for certain a calgon day at my house. I am by no means a perfect mother. I don't have perfect children. We live in an imperfect world after all. We have constant struggles that sometimes get the best of me. That is just part of it though. I learn from those times when I need a break just like my kiddos learn from those times when life just does not go their way. Sounds like life to me! Although I try to be patient all of the time in every situation, I fail more often than I would like. Through all of those trials and errors, I still LOVE being a mother. It is a childhood prayer...an adulthood prayer answered. My dear hubbie jokes around and says that he prayed for God to give him patience and He gave him boys. This is such a true statement. I am thankful that is the way in which God has chosen to teach us patience. I am so thankful that God has answered my prayers. Even though my family here on earth is incomplete, I praise Him and thank Him. I miss Eli like crazy and carry him in my heart, but I know God is good all the time.
My prayers are different these days. How you ask? I ask God to bless this family in a different way now. First of all, I pray that God would keep us all safe and healthy. I also pray for God to use me to raise them in a way that would honor Him. I want nothing more or nothing less than for my children to love the Lord and live their lives for Him.
One day the Lord is going to call me home and when He does, I am going to thank Him in person for answered prayers. I am going to thank Him most of all for making me a mother who gets to teach her babies with a wonderful fella to lead us along. It is the be all end all of my life!
Much love,
Growing up there were three things I wanted to be:
1. A teacher
2. A wife
3. A mother
(not particularly in that order)
I wanted these things so badly that I begged God to give them to me. When I played as a child, I played one of three things. I played like I was the bride in a wedding, a mother with my baby dolls, or a teacher to all my dolls and animals. I even had a chalkboard in my classroom, I mean bedroom. Well, when I was fourteen, my sixteen year old brother was killed in a drowning accident. At that time in my life, I would even pray that if God was going to take me like he did my brother to please let me do those three things first. Not very rational, I know. I was fourteen after all.
Well, I became a wife first. I married the most wonderful man. God was good and He certainly blessed me in that area. Then that same year I started my first year of teaching. My first year, a year straight from the pits, turned into twelve years in a public school classroom and now one year in my homeschool classroom. I almost quit that first year but I didn't. I hung on and went to a different school the next year and fell in love with a childhood dream. If that first year teaching was not hard enough, Jamie and I decided to start trying to have a baby. I got pregnant the first month we started trying and soon after finding out had a miscarriage. That was in April, just one month before our one year anniversary. I got pregnant again a few months later and Thanksgiving day of that year I had another miscarriage. Then in June of the following year I had my third miscarriage. I was beginning to think that God just did not want me to hold a baby here on earth. Mother's days became very painful as well as baby dedication days at church. I remember the last baby dedication day I went to before having Jay. I bawled through the entire service. I wanted to be a mother...a mother of a baby here that is. It is so sad that the world does not recognize mothers whom have suffered miscarriage and have nothing tangible to hold on to.
In November 2000, I learned that Jay was on the way. I began having problems with that pregnancy but my little guy held on and was born in August of the following year. Then came Cooper, Lucie Rose, Eli and now Amelia. I am truly blessed.
I love being a mama. It is the most rewarding and humbling job I could possibly have. There is nothing better than hugging and kissing my sweetlings. I love teaching them in our little homeschool classroom. I love waking up and knowing that I get to spend my days with them. I am not saying that everyday is smooth sailing. I.IS.NOT!! Friday was for certain a calgon day at my house. I am by no means a perfect mother. I don't have perfect children. We live in an imperfect world after all. We have constant struggles that sometimes get the best of me. That is just part of it though. I learn from those times when I need a break just like my kiddos learn from those times when life just does not go their way. Sounds like life to me! Although I try to be patient all of the time in every situation, I fail more often than I would like. Through all of those trials and errors, I still LOVE being a mother. It is a childhood prayer...an adulthood prayer answered. My dear hubbie jokes around and says that he prayed for God to give him patience and He gave him boys. This is such a true statement. I am thankful that is the way in which God has chosen to teach us patience. I am so thankful that God has answered my prayers. Even though my family here on earth is incomplete, I praise Him and thank Him. I miss Eli like crazy and carry him in my heart, but I know God is good all the time.
My prayers are different these days. How you ask? I ask God to bless this family in a different way now. First of all, I pray that God would keep us all safe and healthy. I also pray for God to use me to raise them in a way that would honor Him. I want nothing more or nothing less than for my children to love the Lord and live their lives for Him.
One day the Lord is going to call me home and when He does, I am going to thank Him in person for answered prayers. I am going to thank Him most of all for making me a mother who gets to teach her babies with a wonderful fella to lead us along. It is the be all end all of my life!
Much love,
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Urgent Prayer Request
To all my prayer warrior friends out there...
Please join me in praying for a BLM friend tonight. I can not give specifics right now. My friend is currently pregnant with her second rainbow baby. There are some possible (not for sure) problems. She is going in for further testing and is so very scared. I will update this request when the testing is complete. My friend knows she is having a baby girl. Please pray that this baby girl is healthy and whole and also pray for peace for my sweet friend and her family.
Much love tonight,
Please join me in praying for a BLM friend tonight. I can not give specifics right now. My friend is currently pregnant with her second rainbow baby. There are some possible (not for sure) problems. She is going in for further testing and is so very scared. I will update this request when the testing is complete. My friend knows she is having a baby girl. Please pray that this baby girl is healthy and whole and also pray for peace for my sweet friend and her family.
Much love tonight,
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Room at the CROSS
Hebrews 12:1-2
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Easter is one of my favorite times of celebration. We celebrate a Savior who died on The Cross for our sins. That cross is so beautiful for it is the place I lay it all down. I lay my sins there...my hurts there... There is nothing I can not leave at the foot of that cross.
How heartbreaking it must have been for Mary to watch her son hang on that cross? God our Father committed His son to that cross and gave Him for me...and you. There is not greater love than that, plainly and simply. It is hard to fathom a love of that magnitude.
Because Jesus hung on that cross, we have forgiveness. We have hope. The hope I have is that one day I can kiss the feet of the one who hung on that cross. I will be able to hold my Eli again because of that hope. I will spend my eternity in a place of perfect peace and rest because of that cross.
I am a sinner saved by grace...the grace of that cross and the One who hung on it. It never ceases to amaze me that all I have to do is take my transgressions to the foot of that cross and they are forever forgiven. I am amazed that because of that cross and the One who hung on it I can lay aside every weight.
The greatest of all is that there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, room at the cross. I love the lyrics to the song Room At the Cross.
Room at The Cross
By Ira Stamphill
Colossians 1:20
"And, having made peace through the blood of his cross,
by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say,
whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven."
The cross upon which Jesus died
Is a shelter in which we can hide
And its grace so free is sufficient for me
And deep is its fountain as wide as the sea.
Chorus
There's room at the cross for you
There's room at the cross for you
Though millions have come, there's still room for one
Yes there's room at the cross for you.
Though millions have found him a friend
And have turned from the sins they have sinned
The Savior still waits to open the gates
And welcome a sinner before it's too late.
The hand of my Savior is strong
And the love of my Savior is long
Through sunshine or rain, through loss or in gain,
The blood flows from Calvary to cleanse every stain.
I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful Easter!
Much love,
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Easter is one of my favorite times of celebration. We celebrate a Savior who died on The Cross for our sins. That cross is so beautiful for it is the place I lay it all down. I lay my sins there...my hurts there... There is nothing I can not leave at the foot of that cross.
How heartbreaking it must have been for Mary to watch her son hang on that cross? God our Father committed His son to that cross and gave Him for me...and you. There is not greater love than that, plainly and simply. It is hard to fathom a love of that magnitude.
Because Jesus hung on that cross, we have forgiveness. We have hope. The hope I have is that one day I can kiss the feet of the one who hung on that cross. I will be able to hold my Eli again because of that hope. I will spend my eternity in a place of perfect peace and rest because of that cross.
I am a sinner saved by grace...the grace of that cross and the One who hung on it. It never ceases to amaze me that all I have to do is take my transgressions to the foot of that cross and they are forever forgiven. I am amazed that because of that cross and the One who hung on it I can lay aside every weight.
The greatest of all is that there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, room at the cross. I love the lyrics to the song Room At the Cross.
Room at The Cross
By Ira Stamphill
Colossians 1:20
"And, having made peace through the blood of his cross,
by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say,
whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven."
The cross upon which Jesus died
Is a shelter in which we can hide
And its grace so free is sufficient for me
And deep is its fountain as wide as the sea.
Chorus
There's room at the cross for you
There's room at the cross for you
Though millions have come, there's still room for one
Yes there's room at the cross for you.
Though millions have found him a friend
And have turned from the sins they have sinned
The Savior still waits to open the gates
And welcome a sinner before it's too late.
The hand of my Savior is strong
And the love of my Savior is long
Through sunshine or rain, through loss or in gain,
The blood flows from Calvary to cleanse every stain.
I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful Easter!
Much love,
Monday, April 18, 2011
Part II - Amelia's Birth Story
Sorry it has taken me so long to finish this....but here it is. As Paul Harvey says, " Here is the rest of the story."
I had been taken from recovery to the postpartum wing of the hospital. I would have a new room and a new nurse and I was hopeful that Amelia would be waiting for me when I was settled in. Amelia, as you know by now, was not waiting for me. My new nurse was not so new. Once again, I had another familiar face caring for me. When I had Eli, my daytime nurse was P. P would be my nurse again. It was so comforting to see her walk in that room. She was the nurse that when I had Eli, would come in my room and encourage me to eat, pick up my room, and was just a strong, quiet presence. She made sure I had plenty of cranberry juice because she knew I liked it. She knew there was nothing she could say to ease my hurt and she did not even try. She was just there and I appreciate her for that. Needless to say, I was so glad to see her again.
So, once everyone got to see Amelia, they left. Jamie had come home to prepare clothes and such for the kiddos and that is when the doctor chose to come in to my room to talk to me. I say everyone had left and that is not so...my Sister in law and her precious family were still there and my friend Amy had also come in. They just were not in the room when the doctor came in. It was just me and the doctor. He explained to me that Amelia was having some respiratory distress and that her white blood count was elevated. They were going to keep her in the NICU to give her antibiotics and monitor her. There was some concern about her developing pneumonia. At this point I had a huge wave of emotions wash over me. Was this really happening? What did all of this mean? P came into the room about that time...I think she knew I needed someone there. I remember looking at the doctor and telling him that I really was trying to hold it together but I just couldn't anymore. Pam slipped quietly over to me and got us both some tissue. The doctor knew that we had lost Eli a year before and he tried to assure me that this was not going to end that way. He told me that in a few days Amelia should be fine but they just were not taking any chances. He ended the conversation in a way I do not think any doctor ever has. He told me that he would be praying for Amelia and then he came over to my bedside and hugged my neck.
Needless to say, I was really freaked out. I called Jamie to let him know what was going on and could barely get through the conversation. I was just plain scared out of my mind that God would take her too. Tina, Jamie's sister came in after the doctor left and sat and prayed with me. She was wonderful...well she is wonderful. It seemed like an eternity until Jamie finally arrived back. I just needed his arms and presence. P, my nurse thought to bring in a pump for me to use because I would not be able to nurse Amelia. She also got me a dose of Benadryl because I was itching uncontrollably (reaction to the pain meds). It was getting close to shift change by now and I did not want to see P go, but was blessed with another wonderful nurse.
I was beside myself because my baby was not with me and I could not go see her. My nighttime nurse knew this and around 10:00 that evening she came into my room wheeling a wheelchair. She looked at me and asked me did I think I could get up and get in the chair with help. She had a plan... we were going to the NICU to see my baby girl. She and Jamie got me all comfy in the chair and off we went. I got to see her and even hold her once we got there. It really helped to calm my fears just to be able to see her. We spent about thirty minutes visiting with her and I calmed some. Jamie went back a couple of more times during the night to check on her and delivered updates to me each time.
The nurses in the NICU told us that we could come down whenever we wanted to see Amelia. Jamie went once again before he went to work Monday morning. I got up showered and later went down myself. I was allowed to feed Amelia during this visit and talk to the doctor since he was making his rounds. This would start a schedule for the next few days of visiting the nursery every three hours to visit and feed our sweet baby girl. I was not about to miss on single visit. I got up and walked all the way from the post partum wing to the L&D wing each visiting time. I grew very fond of the nurses in the nursery. They are a special group of people. On Amelia's second night in the NICU the nurses had to relocate her IV because her little vein blew. They were not able to find another vein in her arms or legs, so they had to put it in her head. When Jamie and I went down for our 11:00 pm visit, the nurses stopped us and told us that they had put a hat on her because they had to put the IV in her head and did not want to freak us out. Well, once we were washed up and made our way over to see her I noticed that not only had the sweet nurses put a hat on her for us, they had taken the time to "doll" the hat up a little. They had cut the bottom off of it because it was too big and use the excess material to make the cutest little bow. They then attached the bow to the front of the hat. She looked adorable. I will always keep our precious little custom made hospital hat. How sweet of those ladies to think of how we would react to seeing an IV in Amelia's head and protect us from that!!
There are so many examples of kindness that all of the nurses showed us. L, another one of our nurses we had with Eli was there for two nights also. She was not my nurse, but she did check in on us. J, my daytime nurse for two days was equally as wonderful. These ladies really are a wonderful team and special group...ALL of them.
Tuesday evening it was evident that something big was about to happen at the hospital by the hustle and bustle around the halls. We learned that 9 inductions had been scheduled for the next day and that did not even account for walk in deliveries. By Wednesday morning the nursery was a madhouse. The hallways were filled with hurried people. There was a temporary nursery set up and it was filled. At this point, when I went in for my visits, I washed up, went over and unhooked Amelia from the monitor and went about my business of feeding her. Then I brought her back, hooked her back up and went to my room to wait for my next visit. My next visit was when she was brought to my room to stay with me. I cried tears of relief once she was with me! I was going to be allowed to room in with Amelia Wednesday night, but because of all of the deliveries during the day, no one was really sure where they would put us. We were told that we would stay in the room we were already in. Then we were told we were moving. Then we were staying. Then we were moving. It was finally decided around 3:00 or 4:00 that afternoon that we would be moving down closer to the nursery so Amelia would be close to her nurse if needs be. P was my nurse again Wednesday. I was happy to see her. She was not supposed to work but was called in. Once it was decided where we were going, P came in with my release papers and a cart so we could move all of our things to the new room. I hugged her and thanked her. We were then taken to our other room and got settled in. Amelia's nurse walked in and I was so delighted to see that is was E, the same nurse that was Eli's nurse. It was wonderful to see her again and more wonderful that she would be Amelia's nurse for the night. Have I mentioned what a special place Jackson's Hospital is? At least the 4th floor is a pretty special place.
Thursday was going home day for Miss Amelia and her mommy. Amelia's nurse on Thursday was such a sweetheart. She helped us get ready to go home, took a picture for us and even shared pictures of here children with us. P came by to visit just once more before we left and say goodbye. She asked us if we would be back in a couple of more years...Kinda caught us by surprise with that questions. We told her we might come by to visit but probably not for another extended stay.
Finally, finally, finally...it was time to go home. Amelia was dressed in her going home outfit and we were more than ready to go home. Amelia's nurse walked out with us and made sure we were all loaded up then hugged my neck and bid us farewell. AND..........off we went to start our new life as a family of seven with one in heaven.
Much love,
I had been taken from recovery to the postpartum wing of the hospital. I would have a new room and a new nurse and I was hopeful that Amelia would be waiting for me when I was settled in. Amelia, as you know by now, was not waiting for me. My new nurse was not so new. Once again, I had another familiar face caring for me. When I had Eli, my daytime nurse was P. P would be my nurse again. It was so comforting to see her walk in that room. She was the nurse that when I had Eli, would come in my room and encourage me to eat, pick up my room, and was just a strong, quiet presence. She made sure I had plenty of cranberry juice because she knew I liked it. She knew there was nothing she could say to ease my hurt and she did not even try. She was just there and I appreciate her for that. Needless to say, I was so glad to see her again.
So, once everyone got to see Amelia, they left. Jamie had come home to prepare clothes and such for the kiddos and that is when the doctor chose to come in to my room to talk to me. I say everyone had left and that is not so...my Sister in law and her precious family were still there and my friend Amy had also come in. They just were not in the room when the doctor came in. It was just me and the doctor. He explained to me that Amelia was having some respiratory distress and that her white blood count was elevated. They were going to keep her in the NICU to give her antibiotics and monitor her. There was some concern about her developing pneumonia. At this point I had a huge wave of emotions wash over me. Was this really happening? What did all of this mean? P came into the room about that time...I think she knew I needed someone there. I remember looking at the doctor and telling him that I really was trying to hold it together but I just couldn't anymore. Pam slipped quietly over to me and got us both some tissue. The doctor knew that we had lost Eli a year before and he tried to assure me that this was not going to end that way. He told me that in a few days Amelia should be fine but they just were not taking any chances. He ended the conversation in a way I do not think any doctor ever has. He told me that he would be praying for Amelia and then he came over to my bedside and hugged my neck.
Needless to say, I was really freaked out. I called Jamie to let him know what was going on and could barely get through the conversation. I was just plain scared out of my mind that God would take her too. Tina, Jamie's sister came in after the doctor left and sat and prayed with me. She was wonderful...well she is wonderful. It seemed like an eternity until Jamie finally arrived back. I just needed his arms and presence. P, my nurse thought to bring in a pump for me to use because I would not be able to nurse Amelia. She also got me a dose of Benadryl because I was itching uncontrollably (reaction to the pain meds). It was getting close to shift change by now and I did not want to see P go, but was blessed with another wonderful nurse.
I was beside myself because my baby was not with me and I could not go see her. My nighttime nurse knew this and around 10:00 that evening she came into my room wheeling a wheelchair. She looked at me and asked me did I think I could get up and get in the chair with help. She had a plan... we were going to the NICU to see my baby girl. She and Jamie got me all comfy in the chair and off we went. I got to see her and even hold her once we got there. It really helped to calm my fears just to be able to see her. We spent about thirty minutes visiting with her and I calmed some. Jamie went back a couple of more times during the night to check on her and delivered updates to me each time.
The nurses in the NICU told us that we could come down whenever we wanted to see Amelia. Jamie went once again before he went to work Monday morning. I got up showered and later went down myself. I was allowed to feed Amelia during this visit and talk to the doctor since he was making his rounds. This would start a schedule for the next few days of visiting the nursery every three hours to visit and feed our sweet baby girl. I was not about to miss on single visit. I got up and walked all the way from the post partum wing to the L&D wing each visiting time. I grew very fond of the nurses in the nursery. They are a special group of people. On Amelia's second night in the NICU the nurses had to relocate her IV because her little vein blew. They were not able to find another vein in her arms or legs, so they had to put it in her head. When Jamie and I went down for our 11:00 pm visit, the nurses stopped us and told us that they had put a hat on her because they had to put the IV in her head and did not want to freak us out. Well, once we were washed up and made our way over to see her I noticed that not only had the sweet nurses put a hat on her for us, they had taken the time to "doll" the hat up a little. They had cut the bottom off of it because it was too big and use the excess material to make the cutest little bow. They then attached the bow to the front of the hat. She looked adorable. I will always keep our precious little custom made hospital hat. How sweet of those ladies to think of how we would react to seeing an IV in Amelia's head and protect us from that!!
There are so many examples of kindness that all of the nurses showed us. L, another one of our nurses we had with Eli was there for two nights also. She was not my nurse, but she did check in on us. J, my daytime nurse for two days was equally as wonderful. These ladies really are a wonderful team and special group...ALL of them.
Tuesday evening it was evident that something big was about to happen at the hospital by the hustle and bustle around the halls. We learned that 9 inductions had been scheduled for the next day and that did not even account for walk in deliveries. By Wednesday morning the nursery was a madhouse. The hallways were filled with hurried people. There was a temporary nursery set up and it was filled. At this point, when I went in for my visits, I washed up, went over and unhooked Amelia from the monitor and went about my business of feeding her. Then I brought her back, hooked her back up and went to my room to wait for my next visit. My next visit was when she was brought to my room to stay with me. I cried tears of relief once she was with me! I was going to be allowed to room in with Amelia Wednesday night, but because of all of the deliveries during the day, no one was really sure where they would put us. We were told that we would stay in the room we were already in. Then we were told we were moving. Then we were staying. Then we were moving. It was finally decided around 3:00 or 4:00 that afternoon that we would be moving down closer to the nursery so Amelia would be close to her nurse if needs be. P was my nurse again Wednesday. I was happy to see her. She was not supposed to work but was called in. Once it was decided where we were going, P came in with my release papers and a cart so we could move all of our things to the new room. I hugged her and thanked her. We were then taken to our other room and got settled in. Amelia's nurse walked in and I was so delighted to see that is was E, the same nurse that was Eli's nurse. It was wonderful to see her again and more wonderful that she would be Amelia's nurse for the night. Have I mentioned what a special place Jackson's Hospital is? At least the 4th floor is a pretty special place.
Thursday was going home day for Miss Amelia and her mommy. Amelia's nurse on Thursday was such a sweetheart. She helped us get ready to go home, took a picture for us and even shared pictures of here children with us. P came by to visit just once more before we left and say goodbye. She asked us if we would be back in a couple of more years...Kinda caught us by surprise with that questions. We told her we might come by to visit but probably not for another extended stay.
Finally, finally, finally...it was time to go home. Amelia was dressed in her going home outfit and we were more than ready to go home. Amelia's nurse walked out with us and made sure we were all loaded up then hugged my neck and bid us farewell. AND..........off we went to start our new life as a family of seven with one in heaven.
Much love,
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