Love, love and more love...just can't get enough love.

I am very excited to announce something special that Mattie at Beauty Will Rise has coordinated for February. This sweet mama has coordinated a group of baby loss mamas that will be taking turns blogging about love from February 1st thru February 14th.  I will post a link on my blog each day to the love post for that day. Some of these ladies will be having give aways as well. Mattie wanted to do this as a way to encourage others and I think it is a wonderful idea.  I will be posting my love blog on February 13. 







As you follow this event you will see the hearts of some beautiful women who are all walking on the same path.  We are all in different places on this winding path, but know the true love of God. I promise you each day will hold a different and new aspect of love. If you feel so inclinded, leave a comment to encourage these precious women. The encouragement of a comment or even the asking for prayer are things we really take to heart. I hope you are as excited about this as I am and I hope you check in each day to read a wonderful message that will encourage you. 

Much love,

Blog award and a wink!

Thank you Kat for passing along this award!

Here are the rules for sharing this award:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

So here goes...
1. I am first and foremost a child of the King.
2. I am married to the greatest man on earth.
3. I have four children and am currently pregnant with our fifth.
4. I am the second oldest of four children.
5. I have two best friends...my husband and my sister.
6. I love to read.
7. This is my first year homeschooling my children and I love it.

Okay, so I am going to break the rules a little also and not pass this along to fifteen new bloggers. I am going to cheat just a little and leave this open for any blogger who would like to share a little about themselves to grab. There have been so many blogs that have really touched me that I'm afraid I would leave someone out and I just do not want to do that.  Thanks again Kat for passing this along.  If you have not visited Kat's blog you really should go and show her some love.  Her very recent and fresh loss of her baby girl Luisa will really touch you down deep.

I also wanted to share a picture with you that I have shared before but failed to realize something special about.

This is a picture from the October 15th balloon release that we did in Troy.  My oldest son Jay was looking at these pictures a couple of weeks ago and he called me in to the computer and said, "Mama, have you ever noticed the cross in this picture."  Well, I had never noticed it and told him so. If you will look up close to the top almost center you will see a cluster of balloons.  These were a group of balloons that I had done for BLM blog friends that had gotten hopelessly tangled.  When we released them, they made the appearance of a cross.  Maybe this represents how we mothers of babies in Heaven help each other bear our cross daily! I don't know.  I do know that it is a really wonderful "wink" from God that I have needed these last couple of weeks!

Much love,

Sacred Life

Are there such things as accidents?  Really, really think about this for a minute.  Just like God does not make mistakes, there are no accidents. There are things in life that we do not intend on...things that we do not plan for, but these are not accidents.  They are unplanned events. Never once as parents did Jamie and I plan on having to bury a child. We planned on having children...we planned on raising them...we planned on being able to tuck them in every night and being able to teach them about God and life.  These were all things that we talked about...dreamed about...hoped for. Being told that our son was incompatible with life was NOT in our plans, but it was no accident.  The doctors told us that Eli's condition was a fluke. Fluke is defined as an accident or chance happening.  I do not believe that for one second.  God had a plan...a greater plan than ours.  He planned for Eli's condition.  God was not caught off guard like Jamie and I were.  He was prepared to guide and carry us through this difficult storm.  He was prepared to receive my son into His home.
What the doctors called a fluke was actually a life, a baby...one that I felt move and hiccup...a life that was so wanted and loved. Because it was a fluke, we were advised to terminate.  We were advised to take the life from the baby that we so desperately wanted and loved.  It was plainly and simply not my life to take and not my decision to make.  I would carry this baby...we would love this baby until God's plans were fulfilled. Well, we would love him long after...forever, but I guess I'm saying we would show him love until he left us.

So, what about that young girl that finds herself with child? Is that an accident? Is it a fluke and something that needs terminating? NO! It is the result of a decision that two people made to behave in a manner that they should not have. It is a life...one that is loved by God...one that someone would jump at the chance to love and raise. Is it unplanned?  Probably, but that does not mean that there should be an "easy" way out.

Think about this for a minute.  What if Mary had decided that being an unwed teenager who found herself pregnant was just too much?  What if she had rebelled against God and chosen to terminate her pregnancy? Now, I am well aware that her circumstances are completely different than those of other girls or even women in this situation. Mary's conception was immaculate.  She did not have premarital sex and find herself with child. God placed Jesus in her womb.  However, look at her situation.  I am sure the most difficult thing she has ever done was telling her parents that she was with child. Can you imagine her telling her fiance (Joseph) that she was pregnant? He knew the baby was not his. Had it not been for the angel of the Lord visiting him, he might never have believed Mary.  Do you imagine like I do, that she was a social outcast to many? I do not know for a fact, but I would imagine that even during those days there were ways of terminating unwanted pregnancies. I could be wrong.  I just do not know.  Imagine if there was though and Mary had exercised her freedom of "choice" in an adverse way.  Now, I know that God chose Mary because He knew she would be just the mother for His son that he wanted.  He knew she would love Jesus and raise him in his will and way.  He knew that even given the opportunity, Mary would not make bad choices where His son was concerned.

Every baby conceived is not as blessed.  There are ways for women and girls to avoid tough situations...to avoid responsibility to their actions. It is called abortion or termination.  It makes me sad and downright angry to think about. I think what makes me the most angry are the people who can get up on a daily basis and go to a clinic and perform abortions. They know what they are doing.  Many times abortion occurs from ignorance.  I have read story after story of women who said that if they could have seen that heartbeat flickering on the ultrasound screen they would have walked out with out terminating. Sometimes, I think these girls and women are so desperate to be rid of a problem that they can not think about what they are actually doing. That does not justify their decision.  I just think that many times especially young girls are lured in by the easy fix. 
Which brings me to my next thought.  Is abortion really "easy"?  I know that it can be a quick fix to a difficult problem physically.  What I am talking about is emotionally.  I know first hand that the grief of losing a baby can be unbearable. When a baby dies, it is permanent.  He or she is gone forever along with the hopes and dreams you had for that child. I imagine that once a woman or girl realizes exactly what she has done after terminating a pregnancy, she does grieve.  I do not know this for a fact, it is just what I think. It may take years for this grief to occur...it may take minutes for this grief to occur, but I think at some point it does.

Here is the most wonderful and awesome thing for these women.  God will forgive them if the seek him and ask for his forgiveness.  There is forgiveness to be found for every sin.  You just have to ask God for it. 

No pregnancy is an accident...No abortion is an accident.  They are both the result of decisions and choices. I encourage you to go to Youtube and watch the Silent Scream series on there.  It will touch you like nothing else.  Just know that some parts of the series are very hard and difficult to watch.

This week is Sanctity of Life Week.  Let's take a moment to remember the lives of those lost to abortion.  I leave you today with a video that I hope you take the time to watch.  It just shares a few facts about abortion. 



Much love,

My Prayer for Today

Why is it that I feel like satan is never far away and just when I think there might be a little normalcy around the next corner, he jumps on my back? I feel like I can't get away from him. It is almost like the nightmare where you are trying to run away from an enemy and you just run in place never getting ahead.
Today, I hate tears! They make me feel weak right now. I hate them, but they are always there... I know I've said before that tears are healing and sometimes they are...just not today.  I need to be strong right now and I just cannot muster the strength I need.
Just like God knows our weaknesses, so does satan. He plays on them and messes with our emotions.

Psalm 27

1The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

3Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

4One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.

5For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

6And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

7Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

8When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

9Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

10When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

11Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

12Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

13I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

14Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Much love,

Reflect, Resolve, Rejoice, Receive

This year...Wow, it is just hours from being over.  Where, oh where does time go.  Sometimes I think we spend half of our lives wishing it away.  Waiting for tomorrow...hoping it brings better things. Longing for this day or that day to be over.  Waiting for the weekend or vacation or holidays. So much so that we sometimes miss time as it swoops in and flies right on by.
Well, I for one wish that this time machine we are traveling in at warp speed had a brake on it so that it would just slow down.  I do not know that I am ready for 2011 and all that it will hold.  It shatters my soul to think that I have not held my son in over ten months. It really does encourage me to think that as each day passes, I am one day closer to holding him again.
It is mind boggling to think that in five days I will be 37 years old...in less than two months we will celebrate Eli's one year in Heaven...in a little over three months I will be holding a new baby...different baby...in six months my hubbie and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage and 15 years of knowing and loving (it was pretty much love at first sight!)...in just over eight months my oldest baby will be 10 years old.
As utterly crazy as it might sound,  2010 brought with it many, many blessings to couple with the heartaches.  I got to be a part of and hold a miracle. I will always look on Eli's birthday and home going with a particular fondness that is beyond comprehension.  I have been given a new and completely different outlook on life and others.  I got to know the generosity and kind spirit of people and made many new friends. My second child made a personal decision to accept Christ into his heart.  I learned a great many lessons this past year that I will carry with me in my life to come. 
But most and greatest of all I leaned more about mercy, grace, and love from a very patient God in this last year than in all of my 36 others combined.  I developed a comfortable enough relationship with God that I was able to go to him in my darkest of hours and brightest of hours.  I might not have been able to verbalize to him every time, but He knew my silence for what it was...a shattered heart.  I rejoice in the Lord and praise him for giving and taking away and folks...I have no idea how that is possible except through Him. 

2011, who knows what it will hold...We just have to trust that God will give us our just portions...whatever that may be.  I pray with all of my heart that He will allow me to deliver my fifth child health and keep my others healthy as well. He hears our prayers you know?  I do not make resolutions for the new year.  I think that is kind of pointless, truth be told.  I do reflect on the previous year and try to change things that are within my control, things that I know I can do better. I know I will be carrying a heaviness into 2011 with me that I think I will never be rid of.  You know what though,  I think we all will to a certain degree.  We all have our crosses to bear in a sense. 
Let me just be candid with you for a moment.  I do have one wish for 2011 that I wish for beyond any other.  I wish with all of my heart and soul for anyone who reads this blog that does not have a personal relationship with God to come to know Him.  When I get to Heaven, whether it be before the Lord comes to take us home or when He comes, I want to one day see ALL of your faces and embrace each and everyone of you as brothers and sisters in Christ. Salvation or acceptance of God is a gift He offers us.  It does not cost anything.  If our lives meant so much to God that He could allow His Son to suffer and die on a cross for us, then how could we deny Him our life and love? It is as simple as earnestly saying to God, "Lord, I want to be saved by Your grace and mercy and be a new person in you.  I want you to live in my heart and make me more like you. I open my heart and life for you to do as you please." That's it.  That's all it requires.  There is nothing else we can do to get to Heaven.  We just have to accept Him and when we do, He will do the rest. 
I can promise you this...If God had not been available to me this last year, I would be in despair.  I am not in despair. I have hope...My family has hope.  We do not grieve as those without hope.  My hope is in Jesus Christ.  Where is yours?
Make 2011 the best year yet and allow God to have His way in all that we do.  Pray without ceasing and please know that I love each and every one of you and wish you the best.
Happy New Year!

Much love,

Tragedy and Triumph

Christmas is a time when we remember Jesus who was born in a manger and died on the cross. It is a time when we come together as families and celebrate this special occasion. Today, I am feeling very reflective. The last week in this small town I live in has been filled with so much tragedy and triumph.

One week ago yesterday, a student whom I taught three years ago was tragically killed in an accident on the way to school. She along with her two cousins were traveling on icy roads and were involved in an accident. Two of the three were killed and it really has this town reeling. Brooke was the student I taught and she was such a delightful young lady, although, I'm not sure she would like me saying that. Brooke was a no nonsense kinda girl.  I thought she was great! She certainly did not take anything off of anyone and wouldn't allow people to mess with others either. She was just the kind of girl I would have wanted on my side when I was younger. She will be greatly missed. She is greatly missed.

Today, I found out that a student I taught last year has been very sick.  He had some sort of virus that attacked his heart and damaged it beyond repair. Can you guess what Spencer and his family were praying to receive for Christmas.  You got it, a heart.  Spencer got his heart today! He received a transplant that saved his life. It makes me sad to think that some one's family is dealing with a loss in order for Spencer to get his new heart, but I am so very glad Spencer got his heart. Spencer was in my sixth period last year and I really liked him.  He was quiet (for the most part) and just a good kid. I had no idea he had been sick until someone told me yesterday that a heart had been found for him. What a wonderful Christmas his family will have this year!!

It seems like so many are faced with challenges this Christmas. Sometimes I feel like going to sleep and waking up when it is all over and other times I feel hopeful that we will have a good Christmas. My emotions are so mixed up this year.  Last year, we had Eli, even though we knew he wouldn't be staying long. This year he is not here. It has been a very tough year and as it comes to a close, I am hesitant to see it end.  I know that is crazy.  It just feels like I am moving away from him each and every day. The end of the year brings a sense of finality with it.
As you hustle around this Christmas please remember to pray for Brooke's family and her cousin's family as well. Also please remember Spencer and his family.  Please pray that his recovery is easy and without problems.

It is my prayer that each of you have a Merry Christmas!
Much love,

A Favorite

If I had to choose a favorite part of the bible, it would most definitely be the birth of Jesus. The Christmas story is so beautiful but filled with drama and heartache. Mary, a mere child, was given the honor of carrying and giving birth to Jesus. Even at such a tender age, Mary knew what an honor and how much heartache this would be.  Mary praised God for giving her this gift. I would imagine that Mary quickly became an outcast in society, at least among those that thought "Yea, right immaculate conception..." Could you imagine a young teenage girl telling you that she was pregnant having never known a man? We would not be quick to believe something like that. I'll tell ya, Herod was sure scared of this little baby. He sent his "people" looking for Jesus.  It was his intention to kill this baby that came as the Messiah. Yep, he actually ordered all of the babies two and under in Bethlehem killed. What he didn't know is well...Joseph and Mary had God directing their path. An angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph with a message to get Jesus to Egypt and stay there until Herod was dead. Joseph did as he was instructed and Jesus was kept safe. He was kept safe as a child, but as an adult He was crucified.  It was all part of the plan and Mary knew this. She knew her son was not meant to live on earth, physically that is, but for a short time. She knew He would suffer and die.  She was not bitter.  She embraced the honor bestowed upon her.
Quite frankly, Mary is my hero. There is so much to glean from this teenager turned mother, mother of Jesus that is. Grace, determination, endurance...these are just a few character traits that come to mind. I wish for just a fraction of Mary's grace.  She could have chosen to be bitter about her situation. She could have chosen to say, "Why did you choose me for this God?" She didn't and God knew she wouldn't. That is why He chose her. Mary was determined to protect Jesus as a child. She was determined to raise him just as God instructed her to. God knew she would.  That is why He chose her. God knew that Mary had the stamina to endure the hardships and ridicule she would face being the mother of Jesus.  He wouldn't have chosen her otherwise. I look forward to meeting this special lady one day. I do not know what I will say to her, but I know the words will come when I get to heaven.

I'll leave you tonight with a few pictures. I decided to spend part of our homeschool days last week working on a project.  We made a block Nativity.  It was lots of fun and the kiddos really got excited about finishing their work so we could get busy working on it each day. I got the idea from The Pioneer Woman's homeschool blog. It was lots of fun for everyone. I'm also posting a picture of the Christmas stockings I made for my kiddos. I was really excited about how they turned out. Each of my five children have a stocking. I never thought that I would be hanging five stockings for my children and I certainly never thought I would not get to fill one...

Much love,