Wednesday, August 24, 2011

She Danced

As a baby she loved music.  It made her made her made her fling her tiny little hands and feet. She loved the "Dell song", Colbie Caillat, Fergie, and Louis Armstrong.  She amazed me with her love of music and pure joy in moving to the rhythm.
As time has passed her love of music has only intensified and grown into a love of performing.  Her performances are private and impromptu. She will slip into her tutu and proclaim she has a play.  A sponge could not soak up more than she does when someone else is dancing.  She watches with utter joy and longing.  She imitates and mimics the movements that she sees.  When she is sure no one is watching she twirls and swirls with abandon. She reminds me of a delicate butterfly dancing on the wind. She is so sure that she is a ballerina like none other. Her beauty in these moments is pure. Her joy overflows as her audience scream out of control...her audience of audience only she can imagine.

It is my prayer that she continues to dance, but that

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

Five seconds later, she is laughing wildly at herself as she realizes she has mastered the art of arm pit pooting.  I am left to wonder as she runs off to show "her boys" that they have taught her well!

Much love,

Monday, August 22, 2011

Journey to the outer edges...

I have been out of commission this past week.  We have been on vacation in beautiful Fort Morgan, Alabama.  There was no internet service and very little cell phone service.  We were living life like in the good ole interruptions, no distractions.  It actually was really great.  We left Sunday morning headed out.  Whew, I never realized how much it takes to travel with four children.  Our vehicle was loaded to the max and even more. We were psyched about getting away for a few days for sure!
Of all of the places on earth, the beach is my favorite and it is hard to compete with the beaches on the Gulf Coast.  I know that there has to be beaches in Heaven.  It is such a serene and peaceful place.  The waves crashing, the sea breeze, the smell, the bright is all a lull. I love to read on the beach.  I love to think on the beach.  I love to play with my kiddos on the beach.  I love to wander around in the ocean and find various kinds sea life.  I don't love sea weed, which was in abundance this year.  It taints the smell of the beach and tangles in your feet and legs.  It however did not stop us too much.  Once you got past it, the water was crystal clear and so refreshing.  We chased fish and fish chased us.  There were even sting rays and jelly fish...Those we did not chase.  Jamie and Jay both got stung by a sting ray.  Those little boogers hide in the sand and unless you are really looking, can't be seen. 
We had a very relaxing and uneventful week until Friday morning, when Cooper decided to slip and fall thus busting his eyebrow open.  It required six stitches.  He slipped out of a chair and hit his head on a glass top table.  I knew when I heard the hit that we were in trouble.  I didn't want to go look but knew I had to.  Sure wish I had just let Jamie look.  I got a little woozy there for a minute.  Jamie scooped him up and we jumped in the car immediately.  Thank God Rachel, Josh, and my mom were there.  The stayed with the other kiddos.  Fort Morgan is an awesome place.  That being said, It is 20-25 miles outside of everywhere.  The closest doctor is about a 25-30 minute drive.  We made it in less than 15 minutes.  Coop gave us quite a scare.  He started throwing up and trying to go to sleep on the way to the doctor.  It was just his body's way of dealing with his injury and nothing more though.  We took him to an urgent care facility and they got him back immediately.  His stubbornness kicked into overdrive when they tried to stitch him up.  There were three nurses and Jamie and myself holding him down and all of this after he broke free from the papoose. The PA that stitched him was wonderful and so patient.  She trained with a plastic surgeon and pretty much assured us that Cooper would have little to no scar.  That is pretty incredible considering the gaping wound I had to turn away from several times.  We were in and out of the doctor's office really quick and then took Cooper to get a toy to play with since he could no longer submerge his head in the ocean or pool. 
Friday was also Jay's 10th birthday.  We took him to the Hangout Friday night for his birthday.  What a cool place that was.  Jay really enjoyed his birthday after our rough start. 
Saturday was leaving day and while I was glad to be going home, I was sad to leave.  We made it home between 1:30 and 2:00 am Sunday morning. Yesterday was all about resting and getting ready for our first day of school today. 

So as the journey of vacation and summer comes to a close, the journey of our second year of homeschooling begins.

Much love,

Thursday, August 11, 2011

One Sweet Day

...the Lord will call me home and when he does, I will find perfect love.  Until that day, I will continue on the journey He has set me on.  As much as I love my husband and children and as much as I would like to think of that love as perfect... It is not.  There is only one capable of delivering that type of love...Our Heavenly Father. 

I began blogging when my sweet baby Eli was alive and well in my belly.  When we found out he had Potter's Syndrome our world changed.  I blogged to keep those that were praying for us informed.  Somewhere along the way this became my journal...a place for me to come and spill my heart.  I prayed if my words or experience could help anyone else walking this difficult path, that God would allow that.  I prayed that in journaling what was on my heart, God would help those words flow in a manner that would uplift Him.  Then after Eli died, this became my healing place.  I met some wonderful, amazing women who also laid their hearts out in the form of a blog.  I put my thoughts down and analyzed them.  This has been a very cathardic place for me. 

This journey that I am on is ever changing.  As much as I fought healing from the death of my has crept in.  I didn't want it too.  I was afraid that if I healed, I would forget Eli.  That is not the case.  I will never forget Eli and it has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that everyday brings more healing.  I'll be honest with you.  This morning was pretty tough for me but not all mornings are like that anymore.  I love my son with the same intensity today that I did eighteen months ago. That will not ever change.  I miss my son more and more everyday.  That will not ever change.  But, God has brought happiness into my heart again and the total numbness that I once experienced has lessened.  While Amelia will never replace Eli, God knew I needed her to bring some of the feeling back into my broken heart.  So despite my best efforts, I am healing. 

I have been thinking for a few months now about updating my blog and giving it a new look. I want to put the focus of my blog on the journey...on daily life now that our path has changed.  I even surfed around and tried to figure out what I wanted it to look like and became completely overwhelmed.  Then a few weeks back my friend Mattie held an online auction.  One of the items in the auction up for bid was a custom blog redesign.  I bid on it not thinking that I would ever get it but I did.  I was excited about having the winning bid but still did not know what I wanted.  Becky From Adopt African Digital Designs contacted me and we emailed back and forth about things that I liked and wanted.  My main wish really was that she have fun with my custom blog and I also told her that I wanted something cheerful. Tonight Becky finished putting my blog together.  I LOVE IT! It is so much more than I ever imagined and she got it done way faster than I expected. She did an amazing job.  Thank you so much Becky! You Rock!

So now my sweet friends...The journey continues...

Much love, 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Sometimes it is a song...

Sometimes it is a smell...

Sometimes it is a place...

Sometimes it is just random...

It takes me right back to where I was 18 months ago.  I get a lump in my throat, a tightening in my chest, and I feel like I did then.

This morning it was the song on my blog and it just snowballed from there.  I usually have the volume turned off or down really low on my computer but today it was turned up.  When the song came on, I wanted to turn it off because I knew what would happen, but I was drawn in like a moth to a flame.  Then, while getting dressed this morning I put on my deodorant, of all things, and that scent is the one I used when he was born.  This is the first time that I have bought that particular scent since.  That was all it took and I was in those moments again.  The tears came and I willed them away...they came again and I told myself I didn't have time right then for a flood of tears.  After all, I had just finished my make-up. I had somewhere to be... the tears subsided...the lump didn't go away. 

Sometimes it is just so intense...
Always he is on my mind and in my heart!

Much love, 

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Where's the Well?

I'm gonna brag a little bit.  I have four very incredible nieces. LeAnn, Katie, Rachel, and Joy are their names.  They belong to my wonderful Sister-in-law, Tina and Brother-in-law, Ryan.  They truly are amazing young ladies.  This past Saturday night we went to a performance that all four of them and Tina were in.  The title of the play was Found at the Well.  It was just simply fantastic. It basically chronicled three women in the bible that found their mates at the well and married, then the woman that met Jesus at the well.  The entire cast did a terrific job but I have to say my nieces rocked the show, and Tina too.


LeAnn and Rachel



I am here to tell you, the well used to be "the" hangout, didn't it? Were it not for the modern convenience of running water, which I am SO thankful for, I'd say it might be kinda cool to have a town well. I can just imagine the married women gathering around the well to have some adult conversation while the smaller children were running around playing.  Then, I can imagine the younger, unmarried ladies chatting about who the cutest fella around town might have been. Maybe a little harmless flirting occurred from time to time between the young ladies and young men.  All of this in the name of drawing water for the family or animals.

This all made me think about how cool it would have been if I'd have met Jamie at "the well".  Then again, I'd miss the modern convenience of running water. How cool would it be to gather every morning to chit chat with peers?  I can see myself drawing water for my family, my hair blowing in the wind, and chivalrous Jamie coming to drawing the water for me...sweeping me off my feet (while the water vessel falls to the ground spilling the family water.)

I guess it could have worked out that my father went to the well to find a husband for me.  That is one scary thought.  Let's not go there.

What if while at the well, I met Jesus!  Now that is a humbling thought. Then again shouldn't we meet Jesus everyday?

I wish that everyone could have seen my sweet nieces and sister-in-law in the play.  It was really terrific!

Much love,