My Sweet Eli

To my precious little man,
I love you so much.  It was one week ago today that I held  you in my arms and gave you to Jesus.  It feels like minutes ago, it feels like years ago.  I can still smell you.  I close my eyes and I can feel you in my arms and see you beautiful little face. I can still hear your grunts.  I am comforted by all of these things.  You taught me how to be brave and to fight.  I will forever be greatful and cherish your time here with us.  You were a miracle in so many ways.  God chose your daddy and I to love you, to cherish you, to hold you, to carry you.  I will forever carry you in my heart and in my memory.  I thank God for the gift of having you to love.  When you left us last sunday night, it was a moment of peace filled wonder for me.  I was not sure how I would handle giving you up.  How could I handle it? You are my baby.  But you left us with angels... You have touched  so many.  Who knew that a life so small, so short, could be so huge?
This week has been so bittersweet and painful for those you left behind.  My arms ache so badly to hold you.  I miss not sleeping to rock you and feed you.  I miss not being able to bath you and dress you.  I miss being a proud mama and showing you off to others.  I so badly want to kiss you toes and spend hours gazing upon you face.  I want to sing to you, to rub your back or pat your little bottom. I miss the tiny little cry of a baby.  I know that you are healed and whole and I would never want for you to know the pain of life here.  That is where my comfort lies.  You are with your creator, in a place of perfect peace and rest.  A place of perfect love...  My arms will ache for you until the day that you can fill them again.  My heart will have a part missing until my aching arms are filled. 
You are one amazing little boy!  I would take nothing for having had you in my belly for 32 weeks and in my arms for minutes.  That time with you was complete joy.  It was with wonder we felt you move and kick and cause a stir in my belly.  I loved every second God gave us with  you.  My favorite time of day was at night when I would get to sit with your daddy and he  would place his hand on you and rub.  You knew your daddy's hand.  Daddy and I would get up early every morning just so we could spend time with you.  Sometimes you would be too sleepy to wiggle for him, but he understood.  Your brothers and sister loved to feel you kick and even when you wouldn't kick them, they still wanted to rub you and tell  you they loved you.  They miss you too! 
Oh, when your daddy placed you in my arms for the first time.  That moment I will carry with me and never forget...I was so nervous, so scared, so thrilled...It was like I had been waiting all my life for that moment.  Even though you were too tired to open you eyes for me, I knew what a tough little boy you were.  You showed the world how to fight.  I am so proud of you.  I am honored to have the blessing of calling you son. Your daddy and I could not have asked any more of you than what you gave us last Sunday night.
You had such a birthday party.  So many people came to welcome you.  Everyone wanted to hold you and show you how much they love you. 
I believe that you have complete understanding of how much you are loved and missed.  I also believe that you have complete understanding of your purpose here on earth.  You know why God chose to make your time here so brief...I do not understand and because of my lack of understanding I have such grief.  I know you were a miracle.  I know that God's grace will carry us through this valley. 
I love you sweet little man!
Mama