A muddled mess...that about sums up my thoughts right now. I hate having big decisions to make and not being at peace with either choice. I am not a wishy washy person by nature. I normally am able to make a decision and defend it. November 30th that all changed. There have been so many decisions since then...I have prayed more for God's discernment these last few months than I think I have in my life. He has provided answers and peace for those answers in mighty ways. In this situation, I can not get peace. I have prayed over and over for it. I decide one way and beat myself up for one set of reasons. Then I change my mind and ultimately beat myself up for the flip side of those reasons. I wished that I could share this "big decision" right now and get your sound advice, but I can't. I just need someone to tell me what to do, like my parents used to.
It is not bad enough that my world stopped and life went on...now I have to chase that life that didn't stop for me. I do not know if it is normal to feel physically worn out when you have not accomplished anything, but I do. The "chase" is wearing me down...or maybe it is just life in general that is wearing me down. I don't know anymore. I have a few days where I think the fog is lifting. Then it creeps right back in, thicker than ever. This is where I stop and think that if I could just pack my broken family up and get away it would make it all better. But then we would carry the brokeness to our get away and eventually would have to come back to reality anyway. So I have no choice but to face it, whatever it is.
I warned ya...a muddled mess.
I love this song! Make sure to turn off the playlist at the bottom of the blog.