The Be All End All

Okay, so this is the proverbial Mother's Day post...there is not even a twist to make it any different.  I just is what it is.  What can I say?

Growing up there were three things I wanted to be:
1. A teacher
2. A wife
3. A mother

(not particularly in that order)

I wanted these things so badly that I begged God to give them to me. When I played as a child, I played one of three things.  I played like I was the bride in a wedding, a mother with my baby dolls, or a teacher to all my dolls and animals. I even had a chalkboard in my classroom, I mean bedroom. Well, when I was fourteen, my sixteen year old brother was killed in a drowning accident. At that time in my life, I would even pray that if God was going to take me like he did my brother to please let me do those three things first.  Not very rational, I know.  I was fourteen after all.
Well, I became a wife first.  I married the most wonderful man.  God was good and He certainly blessed me in that area.  Then that same year I started my first year of teaching.  My first year, a year straight from the pits, turned into twelve years in a public school classroom and now one year in my homeschool classroom. I almost quit that first year but I didn't.  I hung on and went to a different school the next year and fell in love with a childhood dream. If that first year teaching was not hard enough, Jamie and I decided to start trying to have a baby.  I got pregnant the first month we started trying and soon after finding out had a miscarriage. That was in April, just one month before our one year anniversary.  I got pregnant again a few months later and Thanksgiving day of that year I had another miscarriage. Then in June of the following year I had my third miscarriage. I was beginning to think that God just did not want me to hold a baby here on earth.  Mother's days became very painful as well as baby dedication days at church.  I remember the last baby dedication day I went to before having Jay.  I bawled through the entire service.  I wanted to be a mother...a mother of a baby here that is. It is so sad that the world does not recognize mothers whom have suffered miscarriage and have nothing tangible to hold on to.
In November 2000, I learned that Jay was on the way. I began having problems with that pregnancy but my little guy held on and was born in August of the following year.  Then came Cooper, Lucie Rose, Eli and now Amelia.  I am truly blessed.
I love being a mama.  It is the most rewarding and humbling job I could possibly have.  There is nothing better than hugging and kissing my sweetlings.  I love teaching them in our little homeschool classroom.  I love waking up and knowing that I get to spend my days with them.  I am not saying that everyday is smooth sailing.  I.IS.NOT!! Friday was for certain a calgon day at my house.  I am by no means a perfect mother.  I don't have perfect children.  We live in an imperfect world after all. We have constant struggles that sometimes get the best of me.  That is just part of it though. I learn from those times when I need a break just like my kiddos learn from those times when life just does not go their way.  Sounds like life to me! Although I try to be patient all of the time in every situation, I fail more often than I would like. Through all of those trials and errors, I still LOVE being a mother. It is a childhood prayer...an adulthood prayer answered. My dear hubbie jokes around and says that he prayed for God to give him patience and He gave him boys. This is such a true statement. I am thankful that is the way in which God has chosen to teach us patience. I am so thankful that God has answered my prayers. Even though my family here on earth is incomplete, I praise Him and thank Him. I miss Eli like crazy and carry him in my heart, but I know God is good all the time.
My prayers are different these days. How you ask? I ask God to bless this family in a different way now. First of all, I pray that God would keep us all safe and healthy. I also pray for God to use me to raise them in a way that would honor Him. I want nothing more or nothing less than for my children to love the Lord and live their lives for Him.
One day the Lord is going to call me home and when He does, I am going to thank Him in person for answered prayers.  I am going to thank Him most of all for making me a mother who gets to teach her babies with a wonderful fella to lead us along. It is the be all end all of my life!

Much love,