Links With Winks!

Back in November, I shared with you this post about where Amelia's name came from.  Well today my sweet friend, Melissa, shared some pretty wonderful news on her blog.  Melissa is expecting her rainbow and today she found out the gender of her baby. She tells a very incredible story about his name here. I am so in awe of how God has worked in the lives of two women who have never met face to face but have a bond because of circumstance...because God led us to one another!

I want to share a little more of this HUGE wink from God that Melissa did not share in her blog.  Melissa sent me an email with an extra wink that I wanted to share with you. 

As you know our third baby girl's name is Lucie and the corresponding name on this list is...Eli the name of our forth child nonetheless. 
I love a good wink from God and this series of winks is amazing!

Much love,

I've never been "gotten" before today!

So, my oldest child is the nosiest person you will ever meet.  He can not help it.  He just has a very natural inquisitiveness that causes him to want to know everything.  Sometimes, it just bugs me...it drives me nuts.  But, I know where he gets it from.  ME!  It is very hard to admit that folks.  Hi! My name is Jennifer and I am nosey.  There, I said it and you know what? I don't feel better having admitted it.  I usually find out just about everything beforehand.  Due to this insanity, I am rarely surprised. 
Today....today, I was completely and utterly surprised.  A group of very near and dear people got a huge one over on me.  They threw a shower for Amelia. Honestly, it is my fifth child and I never dreamed about a shower for her.
My sister, the little sneaky pete that she is, called me yesterday and asked me if I would be willing to help my mom with a wedding shower that she was catering at her tea room.  My mom has regular help but this was supposedly a last minute thing that my mom was going to do for a friend. Now, if you know me, you know that I love my Sunday afternoon siesta. Well, for my mom, I'd do it.  She kept my kids from the day I went back to work from having them until I decided to stay home with them.  So I told her I would help.  Then my mom called and made up some story about an impromptu shower one of her friends wanted to have.  My hubbie was even in on the news and did not spill the beans.  I left from lunch at my Grandmother's (our Sunday ritual also) and head up to the tearoom with my sister completely, utterly, and totally unaware of the real reason for giving up my Sunday nap. As we pull in to the parking lot, instead of pulling to the back as we do when we are helping, Rachel pulled in to the very front.  Strange, but it is Rachel (I love you honey). Then, I looked over and spotted Jamie's mother's car. I see her and my sweetheart nieces retrieving pink bags from the trunk and it hit me that something was up.  I looked at my sister and asked her what on earth was going on, and as I looked over at her she had the deer in the headlights look in her eyes.  Bless her heart, she did not know what to say.  She later said that she was telepathically trying to tell Jamie's mom to hurry and jump in the trunk for a minute.  So, needless to say, in my precarious emotional state, the tears began to flow in buckets.  My precious friends and family had set up the most beautiful and touching shower for my sweet baby girl.  Once I had filled up a bucket or two, I dried up the tears and had such a wonderful and blessed time.  I did not have my camera, but several others did, so I will try to post pictures of this special afternoon later. I have never been so blessed and humbled. 
Amelia, got some of the cutest things and now I am super excited for her to get here so I can use them. 
God has truly blessed me with wonderful people in my life...so, so many wonderful people.  I am humbled to my very core.

I love you all and can not thank you enough!

Much love,

Just remembering...

One year ago today I held his tiny little cold body for the last time.  I kissed him and told him again I loved him and handed him to Jamie so that he could be placed in that little bitty box. The lid was closed and sealed and he was placed into the ground and covered with earth. There have been many, many times since then that I have literally wanted to take my bare hands and remove that earth for one more kiss or to fill my arms with his 4 pounds 7 ounces just one more time. What stopped me?  Well, because I know that he is not in that little box buried under the earth. He is in a place of perfect peace and rest...a place of serenity...of love...of no evil...Heaven. Often, when I go out there, I take my finger or hand and trace the imprints of his sweet little feet on the cold stone that covers his resting place. It reminds me of how very small and fragile he really was. I went yesterday and remembered just a year ago the last time I ever touched him. The last time that I knew the weight of him in my arms. I still have not gotten to the point that I can hold another infant because I do not want to replace the feel of him in my arms.  I know that soon I will hold his sister and that is in a sense perfect for me.  Not that she will or ever could replace him, just that maybe she can ease some of the ache in my arms. With each passing day I become more and more ready to hold our precious little Amelia.
It was also a year ago today that my milk came in for a baby who would never need it. I remember this being one of the most difficult things to deal with because yet again I felt my body had betrayed me.  I know it was just doing what it naturally does, but why this time?  Why should I have to deal with this on top of everything else. I'm not sure why this was one of the more difficult things to deal with. It just was. 
We sang happy birthday to him in church this morning.  That one act of remembrance means more to me than that congregations will ever in a million years know.  In a way he was validated today.  It is so easy for others to forget that he was ever really here.  I understand that and get it.  I do not even resent it.  It makes me sad that he could be forgotten so easily...but I understand. But today...today, he was remembered and acknowledged and treated just like everyone else there with a birthday.  It was just beautiful and was good for my soul.  Thank you to the wonderful people I go to church with. 
I know that this is kind of all over the place...I just needed to get it out. 
Much love,

Our Birthday Celebration for Eli

Yesterday we celebrated Eli's 1st birthday.  I couldn't help but think all day that we should be getting him ready to play in his smash cake.  As I had my camera out most of the day documenting our day, I had an intense longing to take pictures of a little boy toddling around and having a great first birthday.  Those are normal things, aren't they? Yesterday was difficult and gentle all rolled into one. 

Jamie and I wanted to make the kids a big part of the day.  We didn't want them to feel like they did not have a part in the day.  Jamie and I decided that instead of having Eli a cake made, we would let the kids help make him one.  Honestly, we had a pretty good time making his cake.  We decided to make him a chocolate cake because we just thought chocolate would be Eli's favorite.  My mother owns a tea room and we went up there to bake and decorate the cake as she had all of the pans and such that we would need. Here are a few pictures from our cake making adventure.



We had to let LR in on the action and she enjoyed every last lick. 



Jay enjoyed a few licks of his own. Don't fret Cooper got a few also!





As you can see LR is wearing more chocolate than the cake! The boys were wearing quite a bit also.

Once our cake making adventure was over we went home and met Jamie who had picked up balloons for us to release at the cemetary.  My mother, father, sister, and brother-in-law met us at the cemetary to release balloons.  My mom bought a precious statue for Eli's birthday and my sister put a sweet balloon out there that said Happy Birthday.  Here are a few pictures from our balloon release. 

After we release our balloons and spent a few minutes around Eli's resting place, we left and came back home to celebrate just a litte more.  Honestly, I think this was the point where things got really tough for me.  We came home to sing happy birthday to Eli, blow out his first birthday candle and eat his cake...only without him.  We all sang happy birthday to an empty seat and the boys blew out his candle. It just plain hurt. We has his teddy bear in the pictures because that is how we choose to fill his empty spot.  Here are just a couple of pictures from our last part of Eli's birthday celebration.

 

I really think the kiddos had fun doing something in Eli's memory. I am so glad we chose to make them a part of this day. The anxiety leading up to his birthday was pretty intense. It is almost as if some old wounds were reopened. Wounds that had begun to heal. I just felt raw yesterday and really the last few days. I want to thank so many of you for your kind words, prayers, and love you sent yesterday.  It helped in more ways than I can express.

Much love to you all,



Happy First Birthday My Sweet Eli!

To my sweet Eli,

There are no words to express how very much I miss you today. Today you are one year old and I can only imagine the wonderful celebration you are having in Heaven.  Your brothers, sister and I are going to make you a birthday cake today.  The selfish parts of me wish that you were here to play in your first cake and enjoy our love for you on such a wonderful milestone. Dear Lord, how I long to hold you and kiss you.  I know the celebration you are having is unimaginably greater than anything we could do for you here.
You, my sweet little boy, have changed me so much in this last year. You have touched so many. I want you to know how proud I am of you.  I count it great joy that I got to carry you in my belly for 32 weeks and then hold your tiny little body as you slipped from this earth. You are and always will be a huge part of this family...my fourth child.
I often sit and dream about what you are doing up in Heaven.  I can not even begin to imagine how wonderful it is there.  Do you realize that you have been there for a year now, or do you have no concept of time?  How many new friends have you made?  Does Jesus put you on his lap and tell you stories? I imagine that you are walking and running around in Heaven...but really, I have no idea.  So, I am left to dream of you in your Heavenly home...and dream I do. I pray to God every day to tell you how much I love you and miss you. Do you know that you are soon going to be a big brother?  How exciting!
I love you little man and I wish you the best first birthday ever!  We have a cake to make and balloons to send your way.
Happy Birthday Eli!
I love you more than words,
Mama

One year ago today, I wrote this.  I had no idea that in almost 48 hours I would face all of those fears.  Where has time gone? I miss my sweet little boy so much today! Mama loves you baby boy!

Much love,

And the winner is............

I got my sweet honey to help me with my giveaway drawing. 

I Love Him!!

Isn't he just the cutest!

I could just hug him right now!

Sorry, I got forgot myself for a minute.

I put the names in a box

annnddd....

Jamie, my honey bunches...my valentine...my love...my MAN...

sorry

Jamie drew this name

So congratulations Melissa @ Amazing Mikayla Grace.  If you will e-mail me your info I will get your prize to you.  Actually, I am going to have Wild Olive email you a gift certificate and you can get the shirt in what ever size you want...or you can get another tee that strikes your fancy!

Thank you everyone who entered and left your favorite quote.  I sure wish that I could have just given 10 tees away!  

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Now I need to go hug my honey ( I might even give him a sugar)!  Make sure you hug yours too (add sugar if you please)!

Much love,