I do not go to his grave for him. I do not decorated it for him. There is nothing I can do for him. It is all taken care of for me. He rests comfortably in the arms of Jesus. I do it for me and for Jamie and for his brothers and sisters. I do it for me because I need to. I needed him to need me and aside from sustaining his little body for 32 weeks, he didn't really need me. I need to honor him and show him the ways I love him. I suspect the motivation is similar for Jamie, although, I can not truly answer for him. I do it to keep his memory alive for his brothers and sisters...to show them that no matter where they are I will always remember and love and care for them...to show them that you may leave my home but you will NEVER leave my heart or mind. I do it because there were things I wanted him to have but was never allowed to provide. I do it because without something there, it is the coldest place on earth and I want it to be warm. I want him to be warm and I am afraid he is not. I know that is irrational, really I do...
I simply do it because it is just what you do when you have a child there...Well not really there, because he is not there. I know that. We went this weekend and put out his little blue tree. We bought a new ornament to go on his tree and when we got it out to put it on...It was broken. Really???? It was in about three pieces. Really???? I wrapped it up in tissue paper thought it would be safe. Not sure right now if I am just going to try and fix that one or go and get a knew one. Anyway, I just wanted to share some pictures of his decorations.
Much love,
So true....I have Bethanys urn in our house. It reminds DAILY to not take life for granted...I tell my children it is a reminder for us, because she is with Christ, we simply hold her body! tears fill my eyes as I imagine her sitting at the feet of Christ! How AMAZING!!!
ReplyDeleteThe decorations look great! I really liked the hay bail you had out before.
ReplyDeleteSorry about his ornament. :(
I know those feelings all too well! I have to distract myself from thinking about her body underground, I cannot stand to think that it is buried even though she is not in that body anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe decorations are beautiful!
I know exactly what you mean. I have the same understanding that by no means is it really for the baby. Its the only way we know, and have to nurture them, in our physical realm.
ReplyDeleteAnd one day when we see them again in heaven, they will say, "I have always known and seen how much you love me mommy."
Yes, we do these things for us b/c they really don't care! They have Heaven!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about the broken ornament
Hugs!! We just put up Karinne's tree at the cemetery this weekend. Helps my heart to put out decorations to honor her and show our love.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your post....my thoughts have been there lately too...I am going to go her grave next week finally to bring her some "warmth." Much love..
ReplyDeleteI love the decorations! My mother-in-law is a big help in keeping Kristen's spot pretty since it's an hour away from us. Her memorial tree in our front yard is much easier (logistically and emotionally) for me to decorate. Thank you for sharing, sweet friend. Love and hugs to you!
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