Friday, July 23, 2010

Good days...Bad days

I am still at the point in this new life that I have really good days and really bad days and yesterday was one of those really bad days. I have not had a out and out good cry in a while until last night. I always feel better after a good cry and last night was no exception. I looked back at my blog post from yesterday after that cry and think I really wished that I would not have posted it until after my cry. Perspective is one of those things that changes from time to time, sometimes with the wind. My perspective on life was much better today. Jamie was determined that today would be a good day and it was. We had a really nice time today. We went out on the beach, which was covered with tarballs, but still enjoyed the REALLY hot sand. The heat index was 106 at 10:00 this morning. We played in the pool, ate lunch, took a nap, played in the pool some more and then got in the hot tub (LR's favorite, she calls it a hot bath tub). Then we came in got all spiffied up and went down to the beach for photo time. We got some great pictures. I can not wait to get home and edit them to see how they turned out. The boys got to crab hunt, which they loved. We watched the sun set on the beach (well technically, from the beach) and it was beautiful. Then we went to the local Mexican restaurant for some great fish tacos.
I know that there will be days like yesterday for quite a while to come. There are a lot more firsts to deal with. I know and realize that I can not expect anyone to share those firsts with me. In a way that is special. Eli is mine and because of him I have become a new person. So much has changed because of a tiny 4 pound 7 ounce little miracle. But, because of that tiny little miracle I also have to deal with so many crazy emotions. If God gave me a choice between not having had Eli and doing it again...I would do it again, because that little boy taught me more in his short time than 36 years have taught me. That does not at all mean that I do not wish every moment of every day that he was here with me. I DO and that is a very emphatic I DO. So, I suppose that is why days like yesterday creep up on me.
So, I basically just felt like I needed to apologize for my whining yesterday and let anyone who might be reading my ramblings know that today indeed was a much better day. If you prayed for that, I need to say thank you and let you know that God heard and delivered.
Tomorrow is our last day and we plan to make the most of it, complete with a little retail therapy at the huge outlet mall in Foley. So for now I will say good night and thank you for letting me release a little sadness and frustration.
Much love,


  1. I'm always praying for you, Jennifer. We do have bad days, and they are allowed. We need to feel them to continue moving on this journey. I have often thought that very same thing---I would do it again. Hannah has taught me so much and I am so incredibly blessed just having known her for the few short months I had a chance to. Sending you lots of love and prayers. I hope you have a wonderful day. xooxo

  2. I am glad you are having a better day. Don't feel like you have to apoligize for having a bad one. I know you wouldn't trade any of this if it meant you wouldn't have had Eli- I feel exactly the same about Ella. I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip! ((Hugs))

  3. I'm also glad you are having a better day but I certainly don't think you should feel sorry for having a bad day. They come...they pop up...they hurt. They make the good days even sweeter.

    Lifting you up and praying the rest of your vacay is wonderful.

  4. I am glad to hear that today is a better day, and I agree with everyone else: bad days happen and you shouldn't apologize or feel badly about that.
    Thinking of you!

  5. I have been disconnected from online life the last couple of days but so glad this day was better. The days when you can really let it all out seem to open up so much happiness later. Hope your vacation was great and I cannot wait to see your pictures!

  6. Glad it was better. Hard days are tough and can be so exhausting.