Friday, July 16, 2010

Ups and downs

I'm on that roller coaster. You know the one I'm talking about. It is the one with extreme ups and extreme downs. I'm currently not a fan of roller coasters.
On the extreme upside...
My Cooper came home from VBS Wednesday night with the best news ever. He has accepted Christ and is bound for the promised land. I felt on top of the world last night and today. My daddy had the chance to lead him to the Lord and that is so very sweet to me. July 14, 2010 is now known as Coopers spiritual birthday. Of course as parents, we prayed for Cooper to make this decision. We did not push because it had to be between Cooper and God. It had to be when Cooper was ready, not when we were ready. Jay was certainly getting antsy for Cooper to make this decision and prayed as diligently as Jamie and I. We have even had to tell Jay that only Cooper could decide when his heart was ripe spiritually. Jay was so precious last night. He told us that the first thing he prayed for every night was this and that now he would sleep so much better. I just adore my Jay's giant sized heart! Honestly, I was worried for Jay. He prays so earnestly for things. My aunt told me about a conversation she had with Jay the night Eli was born. She said that she was sitting in the waiting room talking to Jay after Eli had passed away and he just could not understand why God did not answer his prayers to fix Eli. He told her he prayed so hard everyday for God to make him better and he just did not know why God did not heal him. How do you explain to an eight year old that God did answer our prayers, just not exactly how we thought He should? I'm not sure what my aunt told Jay that night, but I am sure she said what needed to be said in that moment. So, last night when Jay's prayers were answered, he had a renewed faith in God. He was every bit as excited as Cooper! It was so neat to see. Those boys fight like cats and dogs most of the time, but they do love each other.
I absolutely love those kind of extreme ups.
Then there are the down moments.
It was a madhouse around here tonight. I think Lucie Rose is trying to cut out her nap time because she has not had a good nap in a few days and well...SHE NEEDS HER SLEEP. She was more tired tonight than I think I have ever seen her and it was not pretty. She was inconsolable. The boys did not want to go to bed at bedtime. So picture it...
 LR, who has refused to eat dinner decides she is hungry, but will not touch what I have prepared. She wants something different. I am not willing to cook her something different. She has a complete meltdown. At this point I am feeling the pressure slightly. Her daddy picked her up and put her in her bed. She wants no part of kissing me goodnight. She does not like me right now. This really hurts my feelings, but I suck it up and continue cleaning the Kitchen. The boys are getting ready for bed, but far from sleep. LR continues her meltdown in bed. Jamie is back and forth from her room, the boys room, and the kitchen. I seriously feel like everything is spinning out of control right about this point. LR is screaming that she has to go to the potty in between the crying. I go get her up, take her to the bathroom, and try to put her on the potty. She digs her heals in and decides she is NOT going to go. I literally caught myself yelling at my 2 1/2 year old child. Wow... I did not like the mama I was right then. So now we are both sitting on the floor and I am doing everything in my power not to cry with her...not to have a meltdown right there on the bathroom floor. Jamie was able to get her to calm down and go to sleep, but my baby did not, would not kiss me goodnight. Who could blame her...I wouldn't kiss me goodnight either. The boys finally settle down after Cooper tears his toenail off in a quick and it bleeds a little. Tiny amounts of blood freak Cooper out beyond belief! Yes, this is the same child that carried a snake into my house about a month ago. He was so proud of his snake. Yeah, seems like blood (trust me it was less than a drop) wouldn't bother him so much. Anyway, it is now 12:50 and I am contemplating going to sleep. It is hard to go to sleep knowing that I will be winning no mother of the year awards based on tonight's stellar performance. In the midst of all of this chaos...I MISS MY BOY tonight.
Tomorrow is a new day...well, today is a new day.
Much love,


  1. That is so exciting for Cooper, and how special that his own grandfather was there to help lead him!

    I find that in the middle of complete chaos I find myself wanting Olivia so much more. I hope you can look back and laugh at this after a good night's sleep! Don't be hard on yourself for how you reacted, I'm proud of you for not just crying with her!! Those are the kind of situations you can be proud that you just made it through, Praying you wake up with renewed strength!!

  2. What wonderful news about Cooper!

    What you wrote about Jay being upset that God didn't answer his prayers for Eli resonated with me. My Grace was 8 when Kristen died, and she still struggles with feeling that God didn't listen to her when she prayed for her baby sister. It is so hard to explain to your child something you don't really understand yourself. I keep trusting that God's got Grace in the palm of His hand.

    Hang on tight, Jennifer! The roller coaster rides of life can be doozies, but God's got you in the palm of His hand, too.

    Love and prayers,

  3. Jennifer,
    I love you so much. Please know that you are just so human - as we all are! There are many nights that I go to bed asking God for one more day, because I sure feel like I messed this one up. Also, remember that the Proverbs 31 woman's children RISE UP and call her blessed. (They don't call her blessed when they're two and having a melt down. Its when they've learned, after she's put in all the energy it takes to stand firm, teach, and love them - then they rise up and call her blessed. And all of that can only happen through God's empowering Spirit.)
    Anyway, just wanted to make sure that you know you're not alone. Those nights happen over here too and I also go to bed wishing I'd handled myself better. How wonderful that Jesus knows what a mess we are and loves us inspite of it! :) (Not that you're a mess, I just know that I am and we're all human.) :)
    You are a wonderful mama and I love you so much.
    I know that you miss Eli every day. I do too. Thought about him and you all in church this Sunday and just started crying in the church service.
    I'm so excited about Cooper. What a joy! And Jay's little heart is about as big as they come. You have got such precious children. I am pround of them and you and Jamie. What a blessing you all are! Love you!

  4. I am so happy about Cooper! That must be an amazing feeling for you. I am so sorry that you are on this roller coaster-it definitely isn't a fun ride. Don't beat yourself up too bad-you are a great mom! ((hugs))

  5. Hooray for Cooper!!!! That's wonderful. I was saved at VBS and they always have such special places in my heart!

    Sorry the roller coaster has been so difficult lately...I hope you are able to be gentle with yourself and remember that everyone has moments where they wish (in HINDSIGHT, of course) that it might have been different, but in the heat of the moment...they just happen. Certainly doesn't make you a bad mom!! Just makes you human!!!!!


  6. Honey, if that is the first or last time you have yelled at your children, then you are truly and exceptional human being!! LOL!!!! I've been that moma before.....I think it gets off with us more than the child.......LR will probably never remember that moment, so try to erase it from your memory, too! Love you lots! I am so proud of Coop, and Jay, too! Amy