Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Have Mercy

I was in the car this afternoon hauling the kiddos around and we were listening to Selah. They are one of my all time favorite groups. Their  newest cd has so many songs that just speak to me so tremendously. The one that really got me thinking today was Depth Of Mercy.
Oh those days when we first found out about Eli, they were filled with a myriad of emotions. I can remember at first wondering if God was punishing me for my transgressions. I am a sinner saved by God's grace. That does not by any stretch of the imagination mean I no longer sin, just that my sins have been washed away or forgiven. So I think it is just natural instinct to wonder what sin God was punishing me for. This can be a very slippery slope to travel. It can be almost haunting. Jamie's sister, Tina and her family came over to our house the weekend after we received Eli's diagnosis and she handed me a piece of paper (which I still have tucked away). On the paper were these verses from the book of John.
John 9:1-3
1And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
2And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
I fully believe that God used Tina that day to answer my questions, because, I was questioning myself and I have questioned myself since. Now when my mind does wander to that place, I open my bible to these verses or I take out that piece of paper that Tina gave me with these verses on them. This is assurance that God is not punishing me although sometimes, this territory does feel a little like punishment. Some days missing my child feels a little like hell on earth to be frank. I guess that is where God's mercy comes in and why that song made me think of this today. There is no way to measure the depth of God's mercy. It is too great.
I wanted to find that song and post it on here, but I could not find it. So I am posting another song by Selah that is equally as wonderful. The message in this song is so powerful. Make sure to scroll down to the playlist and pause it before listening.

Much love,


  1. I am so glad you shared the song "unredeemed" with me before, I did have it on a CD and never really listened to it! I will have to look up the other one you wrote about.

    It's so hard at times to think that we have done nothing to deserve living a life without our babies. That is so awesome that your sister in law shared that verse with you, you can always remember that when you are having a guilty day.

    You have been such a great support the last few months through online. Thank you and I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. Those verses are a part of our Bible Study. I needed to hear them as well. I felt like I was being punished, and Hannah was being punished for my sin. So thankful for this reminder. Have you read I will carry you by Angie Smith? WONDERFUL book. She is Selah's lead singer's wife. xoxo

  3. I love those bible verses. They always give me pece when I start wondering why. Thank you for sharing them.

  4. I remember seeing that Unredeemed video not too long ago and loved it.

    I'm always grateful for that parable too..because I think of David and think, "See...God punished that baby for David's sin."

    And am grateful for Jesus's redemptive blood that changed that forever and can give us the peace in knowing we had NOTHING to do with our sweet babies' deaths.

  5. Beautiful song.

  6. Love the post, and that poem to the right brought tears to my eyes! What a blessing your neices are!

  7. I can't believe nobody has told me about this verse. So glad to see it here...you're doing great, momma. I was not NEAR doing as well at the stage you're in. Thinking of and praying for you.

  8. Jennifer,
    I had no idea that you were dealing with those feelings when I shared those verses with you. I just knew that those verses are where God took me right after I heard about Eli and I wanted to share them with you. God is so good. He knows it all and takes such good care of us. I loved your post a while back about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. (I'm sure I've butchered the spellings, sorry.) :) God just keeps bringing me back to these verses from John about this being done so that God's glory will be revealed and the one where S, M, & A were facing the fiery furnace and said that they knew God was able to save them from the flames, but even if He didn't, they wouldn't bow before the statue. I truly see this playing out in you and Jamie. God is able, but He, in His wisdom (which our minds are too finite to comprehend) chose to bring Eli home to Him now. Even though the pain is so intense as to be almost unbearable, you are clinging to what God has revealed to you about Himself and He's using you to glorify Him through this.
    I'm so proud of you and Jamie and how you're walking with God in this valley. It brings tears to my eyes that you are in this valley, but it also brings such amazement and wonder/joy to my heart to see you clinging to God as He carries you through this valley. He's using you. He never wastes anything - no tears, no trials, nothing.
    Love you all so much!