I was in the car this afternoon hauling the kiddos around and we were listening to Selah. They are one of my all time favorite groups. Their newest cd has so many songs that just speak to me so tremendously. The one that really got me thinking today was Depth Of Mercy.
Oh those days when we first found out about Eli, they were filled with a myriad of emotions. I can remember at first wondering if God was punishing me for my transgressions. I am a sinner saved by God's grace. That does not by any stretch of the imagination mean I no longer sin, just that my sins have been washed away or forgiven. So I think it is just natural instinct to wonder what sin God was punishing me for. This can be a very slippery slope to travel. It can be almost haunting. Jamie's sister, Tina and her family came over to our house the weekend after we received Eli's diagnosis and she handed me a piece of paper (which I still have tucked away). On the paper were these verses from the book of John.
1And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
2And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
I fully believe that God used Tina that day to answer my questions, because, I was questioning myself and I have questioned myself since. Now when my mind does wander to that place, I open my bible to these verses or I take out that piece of paper that Tina gave me with these verses on them. This is assurance that God is not punishing me although sometimes, this territory does feel a little like punishment. Some days missing my child feels a little like hell on earth to be frank. I guess that is where God's mercy comes in and why that song made me think of this today. There is no way to measure the depth of God's mercy. It is too great.
I wanted to find that song and post it on here, but I could not find it. So I am posting another song by Selah that is equally as wonderful. The message in this song is so powerful. Make sure to scroll down to the playlist and pause it before listening.